Life Transitions In Retirement: Unexpected Changes
Life, no matter what stage we are in, is about transitions. We move in and out of relationships, events, roles, organizations, mindsets, work, feelings, knowledge, and much more throughout our lives. The list is endless! In the past, the whole concept of transitions focused on the transition model developed by William Bridges, author, workshop presenter, and researcher who defined the three stages of transitions people move through when experiencing a life event. However, more recently, there’s been an expansion of this recognized model to include much more than the event and its implications.
Because I love learning and needed some continuing education credits, I signed up for a class entitled Life Transitions. It was based on a recently edited book titled Life Launch: A Passionate Guide to The Rest of Your Life by Pamela D. McLean and Frederick Hudson, 2011. I signed up for this course hoping it would not only help me professionally but also personally. I was not disappointed because the class, our instructor, and the participants with their real-life stories expanded my thinking beyond the model I had been using. In addition to the stages themselves, we also explored the complicated role shifts that each change brings to our lives. This, in turn, affects the values that we hold dear and how that change ultimately impacts our behavior, work, relationships, and perspective on life.
The Elements Of A Transition
Life Launch addresses a number of elements related to any life transition, large or small. So as not to overwhelm you with all of the moving parts of how various transitions affect your life, I’d like to focus on just a few.
Roles
We take on so many different roles in our lifetime. We are brothers, sisters, sons, daughters, parents, grandparents, employees, managers, volunteers, etc. Each time a life transition occurs, our roles may shift as well. If you are a parent and your child leaves for college, your role in your child’s life will change to be less hands on, more letting go and being a support as they encounter their first major life launch. Your day-to-day role will change to free up more time for other aspects of your life.
If you become a caregiver for a parent or spouse, your role as a caregiver changes the relationship. The previous relationship which was more give-and-take evolves into a relationship with more responsibility for medical needs, well-being, and safety. Roles and responsibilities shift and there is a loss of the way it used to be. This definitely affects the transition and it will be normal to have feelings about your change of roles. You’ll need to adjust from what used to be to the way it is now. You have entered the world of your “new normal” and it’s now a meaningful part of the transition. These are only a few of the role changes that occur later on in life.
Values
With any transition in life, what we thought was important and valued will also change and evolve. We are all faced with the question “what is really important to me at this stage of my life?” When several of my family members were faced with life-threatening illnesses, my work-although very important to me-shifted in the hierarchy of my values.
- My work ended up taking a secondary place to my family’s needs. Suddenly, I was rearranging my work schedule to accommodate their needs when, for many years, it was the other way around.
- These life-altering events also helped me to realize how finite life is and my perspective on planning for my own retirement changed as well. I realized that I couldn’t count on all of the years I thought I might have to do all the things I wanted to do.
- I was also better able to hear my husband’s needs and together begin the planning process for our own retirement.
Our large family has always been important to me, but these family events made my behavior consistent with this important value. So many of us place a huge emphasis on work but forget why it’s important in the first place. Providing the resources to raise our families well is one of the major benefits of work. What is often lost is the need to be good role models for balancing work and family.
I have a dear friend who worked long and hard for years in a large corporation. All those years, she took her health for granted. Finally, one day she walked into work and found herself laid off, very close to her retirement deadline. Luckily, she received all of her retirement benefits. While she was contemplating finding other work, she realized for years she had ignored health problems, leaving her health to chance. This reality became a defining moment for her. The importance of becoming and staying healthy became a higher priority than working. She consciously decided to change her self-care behavior. She began to incorporate a self-care routine with behaviors reflecting her new value shift that would bring about what she truly wanted – living a longer, healthier life. She is now healthier than she’s ever been.
Self-Understanding
Every change in life brings an emotional component to the transition. Our deeper feelings of fear and resistance to a transition forces us to face parts of ourselves we may not be familiar with. A typical example from my coaching career: clients who have retired from long careers and were over-identified with their previous employment. Many have been challenged with how to re-define themselves with a new identity. How can you redefine yourself when you haven’t cultivated other interests, talents, and hobbies? This transition requires much more self-reflection than was previously available when all your energy was devoted to your career.
During this next stage of life, some of us will face loss of a loved one due to death or divorce. Facing a possible future alone, suddenly there’s a realization that many of the responsibilities in the relationship have been carried by the other partner and maybe not shared enough by the two of you. Before you find yourself in this situation, take time now to learn how to become more independent and confident, trusting yourself to carry on, no matter what happens in your life. It’s about moving through the emotions and growing into that sense of independence, seeing yourself very differently in your life going forward.
Bringing It All Together
As you make life transitions in this new stage of life, think about the following questions:
- How will your role change in your life as a result of a planned or unplanned transition?
- How will this transition impact your current set of values and how will you rearrange their order of importance?
- How will your behaviors shift to reflect these values?
- How will you identify yourself without your work or without the role that has become so much a part of who you are?
- Who will be your board of directors as you make life transitions that will change your role, values, and identity?
I highly recommend the book Life Launch to all age groups, but especially to boomers so you can design your next life stage with grace, ease, and understanding.
Let’s help each other make the very best of the rest of our lives.
Dee
Dee Cascio
Author, speaker, Licensed Psychotherapist, Certified Life Coach, Retirement Lifestyle/ReCareer Coach, and Life and Work Transitions Strategies Coach.
The Life and Work Transitions Community
You’ve joined a great group — people who plan to make successful transitions in life and work. May you be inspired to use your strengths and skills to grow in this season and may each transition be your best ever.
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