The statistics
The topics “sexual abuse” and “sexual assault” have appeared in the news with increasing frequency here in the United States over the last year. According to some estimates, 1 in 3 women and 1 in 6 men will be sexually assaulted/abused during their lifetime. As high as these figures are, they do not include the victims of human trafficking or sexual violence as a weapon of war, which I won’t be discussing at this time.
The survivors
I want to speak to those who have made it out of sexual abuse and beyond sexual assault (I use the terms interchangeably) to a safer place. Now is the time to go public with your story and begin the life-altering transition from the person who experienced this horror to the survivor who thrives. The transition may be long and painful if the memories are deeply buried, but the process is freeing especially when you work with a helping professional. However, you must do careful preparation before you go public.
Who is at fault
Many people—both women and men—who have been sexually abused hold on to their secret because of how others have previously responded to those who have had the courage to come forward with their testimonies. This includes those who have spoken up about sexual abuse by company CEOs, journalists, famous actors, colleagues, and priests. Most recently, they have seen what has happened to Dr. Christine Blasey Ford during Senate hearings. For those who have experienced sexual abuse, it’s not hard to imagine being terrified to tell anyone for fear of not being believed, being blamed, and being shunned by the very people who could offer support at such a trying time. Those who have suffered sexual assault usually blame themselves in some way like
• I should have known better
• What was I thinking?
• I should have fought harder
• I shouldn’t have gone to that party
• I should have worn different clothing
The abuser—not the abused—is at fault!
The path forward
Sexual abuse changes your life. The process of publicly acknowledging what happened can help you move forward. Sometimes, when our justice system works, your eye-witness account can also prevent your attacker from continuing to prey on others.
If you are the one out of three women or the one of six men who have already experienced sexual abuse, I hope you will seek professional help so you can unlock your fear and come out of the shadows. Free of your terrible secret, you will have a voice and find courage to move forward.
Before working with a professional, I kept this secret. When I faced my fears, I was able to confront my abuser and seek restitution and justice. You can, too.