Instead of being basic human rights, gender equality and respect are still topics for discussion in our nation. I find it extremely disturbing that so much of our society is still blithely unaware and/or unwilling to address the objectification of women in our culture. Every human being is created equal, but we humans do not always treat each other equally because of gender.
The lack of gender equality and respect is evident practically every time we turn on the television or check social media. When 60 different women tell the same basic story of being drugged and raped by a famous actor AND there are still people who refuse to believe their testimony, we as a society lose. When laws—like statutes of limitations—protect perpetrators like priests, we all lose.
A quote from George Orwell’s satirical book Animal Farm demonstrates how little progress we have made in gender equality and respect since 1945. His famous line “all animals are equal, but some animals are more equal than others” still appears to be all-too-true for those lacking in respect for others. If we can’t change powerful people’s minds, we need to change the laws that protect them and encourage their entitled and/or predatory behavior.
Lack of respect can be found in cases of sexual abuse of both women and men. This needs to be brought to light and the horrific effects of sexual assault acknowledged instead of ignored, belittled, questioned, and mocked. People with compassion can and do handle these situations very differently and our society needs to follow their lead.
Based on my personal experience and extensive training in the field, I believe it is entirely possible that some perpetrators don’t remember nor do they ever want to. We don’t need to provide them with excuses to hide behind. If we no longer tolerate excuses like “boys will be boys” and “there was alcohol involved—it’s no big deal,” then we take away some of the abusers’ ability to deny what happened. If we focus on human rights for all people—not just the rich, the privileged, or the powerful—then we can change history.
Without gender equality and respect, the shame of sexual abuse and assault immobilizes victims. If you have been abused, you should not be ashamed. Tell your truth. Don’t keep what happened to you a secret and enable the abuser to continue doing wrong. You are not to blame. If you or someone you know has been victimized by sexual or physical assault, please tell someone.
Use these resources move forward after sexual abuse or sexual assault:
• Call 800-656-HOPE (4673), a sexual abuse hotline
• Check out www.rainn.org
• Educate your family about respectful and appropriate behavior between males and females
• Find a good therapist who you can connect with, who is compassionate and familiar with sexual abuse survivor’s process
• Practice meditation to manage your anxiety and/or depression
• Surround yourself with loving and supportive friends and family
• Read about abuse and its effects on a survivor and his/her family/spouse
– The Courage To Heal by Ellen Bass and Laura Davis
– The Courage To Heal Workbook For Men And Women by Laura Davis
– The Sexual Healing Journey: A Guide For Survivors Of Sexual Abuse by Wendy Maltz
– Victims No Longer: Men Recovering From Incest And Other Sexual Child Abuse by Mike Lew
• Talk to your doctor about medication, if needed
• When you are ready and well prepared, know that it’s reasonable to want to confront your abuser
• If you are struggling with drug, alcohol, food, or any other addictions, get treatment and attend 12-step meetings