Do you have patience with yourself and others? Being patient can help you through life’s transitions.
If you have read elsewhere on this blog or Web site, you know I write about Life and Work Transitions. That sounds uncomplicated. Everyone experiences changes in life. You adjust and move on. It’s not that easy when suddenly you are talking about the loss of a loved one or retiring after 30 to 40 years of work. Even getting married and starting a new job, while happy experiences, can be complicated and require patience.
When facing a life-altering transition, most people concentrate on the beginning or the end of the transition. The beginning is facing what has changed. The ending is moving on or moving forward. The nebulous space between the ending and your new beginning, which I have described as the fertile void or Neutral Zone in a previous post, is where you need to practice patience. Patience is both a virtue and a skill. It gives a sense of personal power in any transition you may face.
Navigating this middle phase is crucial for creating a successful transition. Patience in adjusting to any significant life change gives you time to discover who, what, where, when, and how you want your new “normal” to look.
Patience Defined
I hope any important change in your life will be transformative. However, patience is key to reaping the benefits of the fertile void. Patience is the ability to wait calmly while sifting through your own emotions related to a change. It requires the courage to face obstacles and the ability to trust yourself to persevere to the positive experience that lies ahead.
Does our “instant gratification” world affect your patience? When we need information, we Google it. When we contact someone—whether by phone, email, or text—we expect an immediate response. We hate to be stuck in rush-hour traffic. We purchase entertainment tickets online so we don’t have to wait at the ticket counter. Microwaves have replaced stove-top cooking because we don’t have the patience to wait for our food to cook.
The Challenge
It’s human nature to want a quick fix. This is especially true when you are struggling with not knowing how an important change in your life will turn out. Without the skill of patience, you can easily make mistakes that affect your achieving a positive outcome. For example:
• You go through the loss of a partner due to death or divorce. Being uncomfortable with being alone, you set your sights on finding a new love/partner. Without patiently exploring your past relationships and discovering what you want and need in a new relationship, you could make a huge mistake and make a choice that isn’t right for you.
• You’re unhappy in your job AND you can’t retire for 20 more years. You don’t have the patience to take the time to work with a career coach and discover the skills and interests that will help you discover a new career. Instead, you immediately start looking for another job, even if it isn’t the very best fit for you.
• You want to retire but you haven’t planned ahead so you leave work and wing it. You begin to feel lost without all that work provided for you—relationships, structure, purpose, as well as income—and you regret your lack of planning. You impulsively take another job that is a poor fit or a terrible commute (or both). You may be unable to find work you enjoy. You now feel like you have failed retirement.
It pays to practice being patient. You will then have more experience and skill with patience for your next transition.