How do you discover true identity when identity is, in the words of Jack Kornfield, “Like a sandcastle, all is temporary. Build it, tend it, enjoy it. And when the time comes, let it go.”
My path to discover true identity started with my career path. When I was teaching, I identified myself as a teacher. When I was a high school counselor, I identified myself with that role. When I started my private practice as a therapist, my “psychotherapist” identity was firmly in place. Throughout my career, I always had a role-related identity.
It wasn’t until I started my encore career as a retirement and lifestyle transitions coach that my identity became more authentic with each choice I made. I added the roles of author, coach, speaker, and writer to my professional life and made time for additional worthwhile pursuits in my life. I began using underdeveloped skills and talents. I embraced attitudes, ideas, thoughts, and values that had always been a part of me but had never had full expression. I have given my life more passion and purpose by developing non-work pursuits, including volunteering and playing the piano. Some of my activities remain work-related, but there is much more room for choice, creativity, exploration, and building my true identity.
The Choice Is Yours
Choice is the key word. You can discover your true identity, beginning right now. If you are still employed, I suggest you read “Becoming your true self at work.” If you are in your retirement years, you have a choice to do what you want to do and be who you really want to be. This autonomy is a special kind of freedom. Will you pursue your passion for Art? Advocacy? Cooking? Volunteering?
Your identity does not have to be compartmentalized into work and non-work categories. Be your true self in the work you do. Let your character, your passion, your values, and all the behaviors that make you unique and special permeate both your hours on and off the clock. You can only do this if you hold fast to what is important to you.
You have a choice to discover your true identity. Don’t let fear of failure or other people’s expectations or demands prevent you from being your authentic self.
These questions may help you explore the process of developing your true identity.
• Are you open to self-discovery and exploring your strengths, values, interests, and how these attributes make you who you are now?
• Do you feel confident in who you are and believe you are truly capable of making your Third Act, your retirement years, successful?
• Are you willing to take responsibility for claiming your true identity and internalize it so you are impervious to external pressures that define you?
• Will you be consistent and practice this mindset daily so you do not relapse into old behaviors where you disconnect from your identity?
• What one step can you take today, next week, next month, to design your Third Act by integrating these aspects of yourself into your life stage planning?
• What are your unique characteristics and how can you prevent yourself from falling into the trap of comparing yourself to others?
• How will you honor your authenticity and share it with others as a part of your legacy?
Embrace this process and enjoy the person you are when you discover true identity.