Preparation for death is a gift you give yourself, whether you are the person who is dying or someone who is losing a loved one. As I mentioned in my post “Why Talk About Death Before A Loved One Dies?” I wish my family and I had been better prepared for my mother’s death of cancer at the age of 51. There would have been fewer things left unsaid, fewer last-minute decisions that needed to be made for her funeral, and fewer regrets. All of these prolonged our grieving process.
Forty-two years later, I was willing to think about preparation for death when my dad was 90 and diagnosed with Alzheimer’s. Talking about his illness and its consequences, I realized we needed to have some uncomfortable conversations before his cognitive decline progressed any further.
Fortunately, my husband and I were working on our own estate planning so I simply said to dad, “Tom and I are doing estate planning and creating a trust. We’ve been talking about our end of life wishes. It made me wonder what you would like at the end of your life.” He responded in his classic style by saying “I want the works!” His brief description let me know exactly what to do after he died.
We should also have discussed what he wanted before his death. Did he want to be at our home, at the assisted living facility where he had lived for six years, or at a hospital? We ended up making this decision as a family.
During the last six months of his 96 years of life, I engaged hospice care. These resources helped us in preparation for death in a way that was not available when my mother died. I am extremely thankful my dad was surrounded by his family who loved him when he died. And he “got the works” because my sister and I had already made the funeral, burial, and celebration-of-life luncheon arrangements, so there were no last-minute decisions to complicate our grief.
What preparation for death details do you need to discuss with family members to make this end-of-life transition easier?