In previous posts, I looked at caring for aging parents and their housing needs and at how to discuss downsizing with aging parents. Driving is another factor in caring for aging parents who want to keep their independence.
It is challenging enough to be planning for your retirement while caring for aging parents. Their need to be in a safe place and the driving issue don’t make things easy.
You may realize before your parents do that they may need to begin adjusting their driving behavior. You may have become their chauffeur in addition to other caregiving responsibilities. If you are fortunate, your aging parents will self-manage by limiting themselves to daytime driving, driving only on neighborhood streets, avoiding major highways, and only going to places like the grocery store and church. Self-managing aging parents makes your job a lot easier.
Because everyone ages at different rates, there is no specific age that a person should begin to limit their driving. Recently, Jay Leno interviewed a woman who was still driving and living alone at 105 years old. She had just passed her driving test a few days earlier. This woman was amazing and came from a family with a history of longevity. It wasn’t discussed but my sense listening to this woman was that she self-manages her driving behavior. She talked about the volunteer and charity work she still does on a weekly basis.
However, there are parents that are more stubborn about giving up the keys. Some aging parents just shouldn’t be driving at all. I remember when my dad was still driving at 86 and was involved in several small scrapes and fender benders. He hit a mailbox and then had a minor accident in a parking lot resulting in the police being called. Let me just say that’s all that we really ever knew about, but there were probably other incidents as well. My siblings and I decided that the only way we could manage the situation was to ask my dad to take a driving test. What happened the day of the test was really amazing and one of the better “caring for aging parents” moments. My father was a very proud man, and we suspected that he was concerned about being embarrassed if he failed the test. Consequently, he walked in to the New York DMV, gave his driver’s license to a staff member, and said, “I don’t think I’ll be needing this anymore.” Everyone in the office clapped and my dad smiled. This worked out well for everyone because it became my dad’s decision to give up his license and his keys.
After your aging parents relinquish their keys, they will need help getting from one place to another. You need to anticipate this and figure out the alternatives ahead of time. There are more services starting in a number of communities across the country that provide volunteer drivers for the elderly population. There are also paid drivers who take the elderly to medical appointments, shopping, church, etc. Sometimes aging parents have access to younger friends who will also provide rides. For any parents who can use the phone app, Uber and Lyft offer additional transportation options.
Caring for aging parents doesn’t have to be so hard. By talking and planning ahead of time, you can help yourself AND your elderly parents make the best of the rest of your lives.