You Don’t Know What You’ve Lost Until It’s Gone: Replacing What Work Provides When You Retire
As human beings, we thrive on routines. It’s part of the human condition! Remember how sad you felt when a very good friend moved away? For 12, 16, or 18 years you were a student taking classes, completed your studies and then suddenly you weren’t a student anymore. Nothing was the same after that. You’ve probably also felt the pain of losing a loved one. Unexpectedly, a person who has always been a part of your life dies leaving a void you can never quite replace.
We take our daily routines and the important people in our lives for granted until something happens and everything changes. Nothing is the same and we become acutely aware that we’ve lost that special something or someone and our emotions kick in.
This whole concept of routine also relates to the world of work and retirement. Monday through Friday and sometimes on weekends, we head off to work as a part of our daily routine. You think it will always be this way without an end in sight.
Most of us disregard the significance work has in our lives and don’t focus on the important needs that our work satisfies beyond our paycheck. However, the fact is that while you’re working, many of your social, emotional, and intellectual needs are being met, and that’s just the tip of the iceberg.
In 1970, Joni Mitchell wrote a song entitled “Big Yellow Taxi.” The song’s most memorable phrase was: “You don’t know what you’ve lost until it’s gone. They paved paradise and put up a parking lot.” I think this memorable phrase of the song is a good metaphor for what can happen when we reach THAT time in our lives when we are anticipating retirement. How can you make sure that the retirement paradise you have been dreaming of doesn’t turn out to be as dull as a parking lot?
Idealizing retirement
It’s normal to idealize life after work and romanticize about how great it will be after you retire. Many of us do it. This is especially true because your retirement was dutifully and, at times, painfully earned. You’ve had experience with fantasies in other areas of your life. You think how great this new job will be, how wonderful this new person in your life is, how much better this upcoming vacation will be than any other, etc. But, of course, after the novelty wears off, reality sets in and you experience this new situation or person in your life as it truly is.
Without some serious planning, when you finally do let go of work, you might find this idyllic life you imagined isn’t what it’s cracked up to be. What can you do now so you don’t suddenly find yourself in a retirement lifestyle that seems like an asphalt parking lot?
Few people know exactly where they want to focus their time, talents, education and experience after they retire. If you’ve planned well financially, then you can concentrate on what’s really important to you and create your lifestyle around those things. However, if you don’t have some kind of plan, you’ll end up “failing retirement.” You might wonder how in the world a person could possibly fail retirement. If you end up feeling bored or dissatisfied with your life, go back to work just because you don’t know what else to do, or you’re unhappy in your retirement, then, by definition, you’ve failed retirement. You didn’t plan well!
The good news is, like any other difficult life situation, you can minimize your potential for failure through careful preparation and planning. At this point you might be wondering what preparations you have to make. What planning is necessary? What hard work will you have to do?
Taking stock of your career
You can begin the process by taking stock of your working career. Too many of us can’t get past the importance of money when we think about work because we’re too focused on our paycheck. But if you want to be successful in your retirement, you’ll have to think outside the box or maybe even find another box.
This is where the hard work comes in. If you don’t replace most of the benefits work has provided for you over your working career, the chance of a successful retirement is significantly diminished.
If you have been reading my newsletter over the past seven years, you might recall that I was a fierce “retirement phobic” in my mid-50s! I loved being a therapist and didn’t see any reason for that to ever change. In one of life’s ironies, my emotional reaction to my husband’s desire to talk about retirement became the catalyst for my re-career to retirement lifestyle planning.
I knew at the time if Tom and I were going to have a cooperative and constructive dialogue about retirement, I would have to get over my emotional reaction to this scary transition. I knew that I would have to “intellectualize” this process to some extent. I began by making a list of all the things I liked about my career beyond the income. The list evolved out of self-exploration, extensive reading, and casual interviews with both successful and unsuccessful retirees.
The list I created eventually coalesced into an acronym that I’ve been using in my retirement lifestyle seminars. I created the acronym as a shorthand way of remembering what was good about working besides the money. As the depth of my reading and knowledge increased, I had an epiphany!
I realized I’d been reacting emotionally because the non-financial aspects of having a career were so important to me. As the old saying goes, “it wasn’t about the money.” It was about the intellectual growth, the friendships of colleagues, my clients, the daily routine, having a purpose, etc. As I got deeper into the process, I realized that I couldn’t have retirement conversations with my husband if I didn’t find suitable replacements for most of the things I loved about my career.
I also knew that I had to stop thinking about the process and start doing something. Consequently, I joined a local Rotary Club which opened me up to a new world of volunteering, friendships, and alternative business models. I took piano lessons. I got serious about improving my speaking skills by joining Toastmasters and then the National Speakers Association. I made numerous other changes to ensure that when I finally did leave my therapy practice, my identity would be defined by who I was and not by what I did. I would also be clear on what I was going to do with my life.
I saw firsthand the challenges of creating a successful retirement lifestyle plan and made it my personal responsibility to make sure my retirement was successful. To fulfill that responsibility, I’ve done a lot of soul-searching and gone through a lot of what I’m talking and writing about today.
Stay tuned for the October newsletter
To put this all into perspective, the acronym I created is WHAT WORK PROVIDES. This acronym describes what we, as a generation, need to replace once we leave work.
Because this information is so important, I’ve chosen to devote my October newsletter to the acronym and what it means. Stay tuned for my next newsletter when I will map out some of the many needs work provides that you will want to replace as you become the “entrepreneur of your retirement lifestyle plan!” Remember, good things come to those who wait.
Now go make the very best of the rest of your life!
Dee
Dee Cascio
Author, speaker, Licensed Psychotherapist, Certified Life Coach, Retirement Lifestyle/ReCareer Coach, and Life and Work Transitions Strategies Coach.
The Life and Work Transitions Community
You’ve joined a great group — people who plan to make successful transitions in life and work. May you be inspired to use your strengths and skills to grow in this season and may each transition be your best ever.
Want more help for your life and work transitions?
Check out the Life and Work Transitions Strategies blog
Ready To Retire? Successful Retirement Planning To Make The Best Of The Rest Of Your Life
