Couples sometimes disagree about where to live permanently or where to buy a
second home and these differences may create conflict. As the time nears to make
a decision, an impasse may develop without warning. I know of several couples who
have struggled with this decision and my husband and I are one of them.
My husband, Tom, and I have always been good communicators about many issues
and challenges that have come up over the years, but when the time came to buy a
second home, I found out something that I had not known about him. During some
of his college undergraduate years, he had enjoyed living in the city environment of
Baltimore, MD. Fresh out of college as a young engineer, he had hopes of continuing
to live in the city. However, because of anticipated family responsibilities and raising
children, he felt it was best to move from a city apartment to a condo in the
suburbs.
When Tom retired, he wanted to be back in a city environment because he liked the
fast pace, interesting attractions, and the excitement that a city offers. I wanted to
be by the beach or by some body of water because I find that very relaxing.
However, we did agree on one thing and that was we both wanted a warm climate!
As we talked more about what each of us wanted and began to explore the options,
it became clearer what would really work best for us and we began to look for it.
Initially, we had no idea how our choice would turn out, but we continued to talk,
respecting what the other needed. We made a number of trips to Florida before we
found a condo in downtown Tampa, overlooking Tampa Bay. We have a dramatic view of the city skyline and the bay. Fortunately, the entire process was a positive experience and we had a happy ending. I am now also enjoying the benefits of being in a city and Tom loves to watch all of the activity in the harbor.
One spouse may want to be closer to friends and family, while the other may
want to try a new environment. Some spouses may want to travel while others like
to be at home where things are familiar. Many couples will have differences about
whether to move to the beach, the mountains, a lake, the river, or the desert. The
main goal is to go to a place where both of you can feel comfortable and fulfilled.
The challenge is to find a compromise so that both of your needs can be met as best
as possible. This only happens when you keep the communication open and keep a
shared vision in sight.