No one is entirely comfortable talking about death and dying. But it is important to talk about the kind of care you, or a loved one, want to receive at the end of life and to share how and where you want to say goodbye if you have a choice. These candid conversations make it easier on everyone involved.
Death is a part of life. We don’t know the length of our lives but we do know that we will lose family, friends, spouses, and perhaps even children in the course of a long life.
Begin the conversation about death and dying by admitting you don’t have all the answers. I know I don’t. Choose which of the following steps you will take to be better prepared for what the future holds.
Talk to your loved ones
Partners/spouses or other loved ones, if you are single, need to know how you want to be cared for toward the end of your life. This is especially important if you are facing a terminal illness. Plan for what you can.
Update important documents
Those who will care for you in your final days and those who will carry out your wishes and settle your estate need you to have an up-to-date will, trust and estate planning documents, do not resuscitate orders, medical directives, power of attorney, etc. to carry out your wishes.
Be clear about what you want
Tell your loved ones your wishes. Do you want to
• Know the truth about your illness?
• Be able to talk about your feelings, fears, wishes?
• Die at home, if possible OR at a hospice facility?
• Have palliative care?
• Have hospice care?
• Donate your organs?
• Choose peaceful medical aid in dying if it is legal in your state?
• Have your family with you OR only your spouse/partner OR both?
• Be cremated OR have a traditional burial?
• Have the burial of your choice?
Put your wishes in writing
Eliminate arguments and disagreements among family members. Put your wishes in writing.
Educate yourself about death and dying
• Read about near-death experiences.
• Talk to your minister, rabbi, or clergy.
• Attend a “Death Café” (find this resource online)—I attended one and found it extremely helpful and interesting to hear other’s perspectives on death.
• Encourage conversations about someone who has died. This helps those who are grieving.
• Help your children and grandchildren deal with loss, whether it is a pet, a family member, or a friend.
These conversations are still a “work in progress” for me. I hope this will encourage you to begin talking about death and dying with those you love. As J. K. Rowling wrote, “To the well-organized mind, death is but the next great adventure.”