“Who is in the driver’s seat?” gives a glimpse of the freedom and control challenges that surround elderly drivers who should no longer be driving. In my previous post, I talked about how you might deal with aging parents driving. Now I want to share a personal example.
The “Take A Driving Test” Approach
I remember when our family faced this very same situation. My dad was still driving at 86 and was involved in several small scrapes and fender benders. We began to notice changes in his driving behavior and also signs of mini encounters leaving his vehicle with dents and bruises. He hit a mailbox, denting his side-view mirror. He then had a minor accident in a parking lot, resulting in the police being called. Let me just say that’s all that we really ever knew about, but there were probably other incidents as well. What was especially worrisome was the fact that my father had always been known for his “lead foot.” Unfortunately, this behavior did not change as he got older. In fact, it got worse.
My siblings and I decided that the only way we could manage the situation was to insist that my dad take a driving test. What happened the day of the test was really amazing. My father had always been a very proud man, and we suspected that he was concerned about being embarrassed if he failed the test. Consequently, he walked into the New York DMV, gave his driver’s license to a staff member, and said, “I don’t think I’ll need this anymore.” Everyone in the office clapped and my dad smiled. This worked out well for everyone because it became my dad’s decision to give up his license and his car keys. At the time, he was living with my brother who then became his wheels.
Driving Alternatives
We will all become elderly drivers at some point in our lives unless there are good alternatives available to us. After your aging parents relinquish their car keys, they will need help getting from one place to another. This is where the issue of where they will be living becomes an important factor. Living near public transportation should be a priority when helping your parents to “downsize.” You both need to anticipate these problems and figure out the alternatives ahead of time that are best for all concerned. There are services already in place in many communities across the country that provide volunteer drivers for the elderly population. There are also paid drivers who take the elderly to medical appointments, shopping, church, etc. Sometimes aging parents have access to younger friends who will also provide rides.
Alternatively, help them load the app for Uber or Lyft on their smart phones. Be with them the first several times they use the app until they become comfortable using it. With these rides share options, they can be reassured that their mobility won’t be impacted.
We don’t know if driverless cars, when perfected, will be a safe alternative for our aging parents and even for our sandwich generation as we age. We can only hope for that miracle. In the meantime, be aware and periodically drive with your parents when you are visiting or, if living close by, running errands with them. Pay attention to their driving behavior so that you can intercede to help avoid injury to them or to other innocent people. This will give you peace of mind and the opportunity to express your love and concern for your parents, even though initially they may not see it that way. You’re doing the best you can with a very delicate situation.
Take the time to discuss these approaches with the elderly drivers in your extended family. Teach your parents and older relatives how to use the technology that will give them the ability to continue to see friends, pursue activities they enjoy, avoid becoming homebound, and feel free.