In my post “Living apart together,” I mentioned you have at least four retirement lifestyle choices, including living apart together. Now I want to define how living apart together works.
Living apart together (LAT) is not the traditional marriage and retirement lifestyle of your parents or your grandparents. It combines some of the freedom of a single lifestyle with the commitment of living together at least some of the time.
Unlike traditional marriage, LAT allows for a long-term intimate and committed relationship without either partner having to give up their residence, their career-defined location, or the freedom they enjoy to spend time with their own circle of family and friends.
Many of the couples who are living apart together, unlike those who are living together, are older and wise enough to know what they want out of life. They are ready and willing to make a commitment to make this lifestyle work.
Unlike those who are single by choice or circumstances, living apart together can provide both partners with the companionship they desire. It’s up to both parties to determine how to make that work.
Good communication is a key aspect of how living apart together works. Both partners need to articulate their hopes and dreams and listen well to the other. A deep and lasting relationship will require commitment and the willingness to explore new ideas and compromise so both parties win.
Living apart together may work for you and a partner if:
• You want to be financially independent while sharing other areas of your lives
• One or both of you will suffer a loss of benefits and economic hardship if you remarry
• You want time with just your extended family
• You desire companionship but you don’t want to have to nurse a spouse through a terminal illness ever again
• You value your privacy and autonomy too much to give it up
• You want to enjoy your independence
• Your background may make it hard for you to love some aspects of your partner’s lifestyle: for instance, if you have always travelled for work and now want to settle down and your partner with the desk job now wants to travel
How living apart together works for you is up to your partner and you. Keep these things in mind:
• Embrace where you are
• Keep communication open and honest
• Show respect for your partner’s other family and friends
• Be bold and creative—you are pioneering this lifestyle
• Set clear boundaries with those who are not as concerned about your happiness and needs as they are their own
• During COVID, stay safe as you stay in touch with video, phone calls, texts, and emails.
What would you add to the list of reasons you are considering living apart together?