What creates the conditions for both a long-term and healthy marriage? After all, some marriages can last a long time but are not very healthy.
With my own personal perspective, my professional training, and experience as a couple’s therapist, I casually surveyed some couples that I know who have had healthy, long-term marriages. The following qualities emerged as sustaining a marriage into retirement. The couples shared the following with me:
1. Honesty, respect, and trust.
2. Have a sense of humor and have fun together.
3. Be willing to work on your marriage in the face of challenges because you really value the relationship and the person that you are married to.
4. Listen with curiosity to your spouse’s point of view without judgment. There is always more to learn if you ask the right questions.
5. Appreciate your partner at least once a day for something that they have done or for a quality you admire in them.
6. Like each other as friends as well as being lovers. Say “I love you.” Share affection.
7. Have enough common interests, values, desires, and a mutual vision for the future.
8. Go on weekly dates with each spouse taking turns to choose the place or activity to keep it interesting and surprising.
9. Communicate clearly and honestly when discussing something that you may disagree on. Make sure you mirror back what you heard before responding to confirm that you understood your partner.
10. Do an annual evaluation of your marriage vision and decide if you want to make some changes moving forward.
Which of these practices will you integrate into your marriage? It is never too late to breathe healthy energy, excitement, love and romance into your marriage.