Let’s look at loneliness by generation. First a refresher course on those pesky generational labels:
• Born 1945 or before: Silent generation
• Born 1946-1964: Boomers
• Born 1965-1976: Gen X
• Born 1977-1995: Millennials
• Born 1996 and later: Gen Z
The silent generation is experiencing loneliness many of us cannot imagine. The death of a spouse—often after 50, 60, or even 70 years of marriage—leaves a gaping hole in one’s heart. On top of that, loss of hearing limits the ability to fully participate in conversations. Changes in vision and other physical challenges may limit the ability to drive and attend social functions. They are also often misunderstood or overlooked by those who are younger, more agile, and more tech-savvy.
Boomers are also hard hit by loneliness as they retire from work. In the act of retirement (or downsizing or layoffs), these hard-working professionals suddenly lose a work team, a work-related social network, a work routine, and work structure. Each of these elements must be recreated in some form for a retirement lifestyle to be successful and engaging. Unfortunately, there is still loneliness as friends and loved ones move or pass away.
In an article written by J. Adamy and P. Overberg, they referenced The University of Chicago’s General Social Survey done in 2013. The survey has tracked American attitudes since 1972. They asked those surveyed how often they lacked companionship, felt left out or isolated from others. Baby boomers said they experienced these feelings more often than any other generation. The Boomer generation, priding itself on independence, had fewer children than previous generations. Since many were married to their work and divorced in greater numbers, many are finding themselves living alone in later life with fewer adult children to attend to their needs. As we get older, it’s more challenging to forge long term, deeper friendships.
Those of Gen X may be lonely because they have chosen to put their careers first. Family and friends have gone on with their lives. Children are not part of the picture. There is little time for anything but work or career-boosting activities. Surrounded by people, these successful individuals can still be incredibly lonely.
Loneliness by generation is not limited to those near or past retirement age. Jayne O’Donnell and Shari Rudavsky of USA Today wrote an article summarizing an interesting study of 20,000 multigenerational respondents conducted by Cigna. In their 2018 article, “Young Americans are the Loneliest, A Surprising Study from Cigna,” the authors reported that Cigna found a significant number of millennials (23-37) and Generation Zs (18-22) responded with feeling lonelier and more isolated. This was unexpected because this generation is the most plugged into and engaged in social media. Surprisingly, this younger generation felt even lonelier than the boomer generation. According to the study, although social media makes it easier to connect with their friends, it turns out that it’s the quality of the relationship and not the number of followers that strengthens relationships. The younger generations feel lonely when there isn’t a balance between social media communication and face-to-face connection. Often younger generations compare themselves to their cohorts who may have a large number of followers but they don’t see the lack of quality of that following.
As a family therapist with 32 years of experience with all ages, I can tell you the answer to loneliness is simple. Loneliness by generation—any generation—is solved with face-to-face communication. This is critical to healthy social and emotional development, and it is the way we all form meaningful, heart-to-heart relationships. It’s also how we connect best with family, friends and colleagues.
No matter what generation you belong to, it’s normal to feel lonely when you’re going through a significant transition. Just remember you are never alone in transition if you have a strong support system. Just don’t stay stuck in that place.