The Elusive New Beginning
Having grown up in upstate New York, I can remember long winters that seemed to last forever—from late October until early May. In Virginia this year, it seemed like I was living through a New York winter. Winter just dragged on and on with only teasers of warm days and then it was back to freezing temperatures once again. With every hint that spring was right around the corner, the weather would take an abrupt return to feeling like winter.
This year’s winter that wouldn’t go away is a good example of what happens when you go through a serious change in your life requiring a transition to a new and unfamiliar life or situation.
In some of my past newsletters, I’ve talked about this transition process. You may have ended a relationship, changed your career, or something else significant in your life has changed. Suddenly, you’ve found yourself in no-man’s land.
After going through the “neutral zone” of quiet introspection and discovery after a change and its transition process, you began to wonder if it would ever end. Would you ever find yourself happy and content with your life again? Despite your misgivings, you woke up one day to find that you had arrived at your new beginning, the final stage of your transition.
The Complexity Of A New Beginning
What I’ve learned is that a new beginning can be slow and subtle, taking its good old time. That’s because starting something new has its own transition process. There is a distinction between starting something new and experiencing the psychological aspects of a new beginning. You can start a new job or relationship after a loss and still go through an emotional adjustment. I have a close friend who had been job hunting for a long time and finally was hired by a good company. Even though he was well trained for this new endeavor, he has gone through substantial adjustments which, at times, have caused him to question his decision. Over time, he’s realized that learning new protocols, job description responsibilities, and names and personalities of colleagues is all just a part of the transition into his new beginning.
The same is true of moving to a new city or starting a new relationship. Even though you’re excited about this new beginning, you will go through an adjustment after the move or the initiation of a new relationship. It’s your emotional transition to this new situation.
Values As Your Guide
One of the ways I help clients to navigate this transition is to identify the values related to this transition that are most important to them. How are you aligning your decisions regarding your new beginning with your values? If you are moving into retirement and love being close to your friends and family, the importance of those relationships is one of your core values. If you moved to a place that would create an unmanageable distance from those you love, this decision would not reflect your value of being able to maintain those relationships.
If you are going through a divorce and want what’s best for your children as a priority, making decisions that will reflect that core value is important. You realize they will need your time and attention, especially during that first year. It’s natural to find yourself lonely at times, wanting to find a new relationship to ease your loneliness. However, finding a new relationship that will take your attention away from your children can create a conflict between your value of putting your children first and satisfying your own needs. These are value decisions that need to be made thoughtfully as you begin your new life as a single parent.
Arrive In Style
Recognize your new beginning as the bold step it is and arrive in style. Here are some tips to support you through your new beginning:
- Make decisions about your new beginning that reflect your core values.
- Minimize short-term gratification for long-term contentment that you are doing the right thing.
- Grow confidence in yourself and have a renewed trust in your resilience and courage.
- Begin to identify with your new beginning. What will it feel like after you have begun anew? What will be exciting about starting a new job? Contemplate how moving to a new town will fit your lifestyle better. Look forward to being generous with your time and attention towards your children if you are going to be a single parenting.
- Create a plan that allows you to move step by step without being diverted from your path. Stay focused, gather information, and get support.
- Enjoy the process without becoming obsessed by the goal.
- Stop getting ready, which can become a loop of endless preparation, and just do it, whatever “it” turns out to be for you. In other words, you shouldn’t be afraid to take a chance because you’ve already moved through the first two stages, reducing the risk factor.
Flaunt It
When you commit to a life or work change you know you want, it requires that you coexist with the discomfort of letting go, transverse through the neutral zone, trusting that it will lead you to a much-awaited new beginning. This requires courage, confidence, and resilience—so flaunt these character qualities and give thanks for a strong and compassionate support system.
I learned this when I was making a huge career change from being a high school counselor to starting my private psychotherapy practice. If I had known then what I know now, that transition would have been so much easier and more manageable. I didn’t know what I didn’t know.
Life transitions can be a wonderful opportunity to grow from the inside out. A new beginning represents a successful navigation through the ending and neutral zone. Knowing yourself and being patient through this uncharted territory are necessary for a successful new beginning that reflects who you truly are. Stay focused on the fact that you are worth it! Take your time, get support, and make this transition the most successful one of your life.
Dee
Dee Cascio
Author, speaker, Licensed Psychotherapist, Certified Life Coach, Retirement Lifestyle/ReCareer Coach, and Life and Work Transitions Strategies Coach.
As you face changes and transition in life and work, I welcome the opportunity to assist you through corporate presentations, group seminars, and community workshops, please contact me.
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