Successful Endings And New Beginnings In Retirement
In my June newsletter, I mentioned something that a friend said as we were preparing to sell our home. “When you’re a purchaser, your job is to turn your house into a home. When you’re a seller, you have to turn your home back into a house.” On July 30, we moved into our new house. As reflected in the above quote, we are busy and excited about turning this new house into our home. We are deciding what furniture to keep and what we can’t use anymore. We’re learning directions to various destinations, where to shop, which health club to join and, in the process, we’re meeting new people.
While moving is at the top of the list of stressors—right along with public speaking, loss of a job, death, and divorce—it’s also a time of opportunity and adventure! It’s a time for good endings to pave the way for new beginnings.
Endings At Home And At Work
It’s not always recognized that new beginnings are greatly influenced by the quality of the previous ending. With that thought in mind, we believed that it was important to leave our home in pristine condition for the new buyers. So, in addition to addressing the specific issues on our inspection report, we went above and beyond making additional repairs that we weren’t required to make. For example, we cleaned the gutters and replaced part of the system that wasn’t working properly. We repainted walls as we removed pictures and mirrors. We left a comprehensive list and description of all the technical systems associated with our home. We established a positive relationship with the new buyers as we rented back from them for several weeks. Our hope was that ending our move well would enhance not only the buyers’ new beginning, but our own by doing the right thing. As Tom and I left our home, we were free to reflect on the fond memories of events and occasions we enjoyed over the years at our previous residence.
How well do you do “endings” for important chapters of your life as you move on to the next chapter? Whether you are moving your residence or preparing to retire from traditional work, it’s important to consider how you do endings. This question is especially important as it relates to leaving traditional work.
William Bridges, who is the pioneer of change and transitions and author of a number of books on transitions, believes that good endings are likely to predict great new beginnings. It’s also important to re-group and re-orient yourself during that time in between endings and new beginnings called the neutral zone.
In my 28 years of my work as an individual and couple’s therapist, I have encountered many clients who have had very difficult endings during their previous relationships. Without self-reflection and understanding of what didn’t work well in their previous relationship and owning their part, they were having trouble moving on. My clients were challenged by difficult new beginnings and new relationships. While they are usually anxious to just move on in their lives, I work with them to reflect back on the ending of their previous relationship. This introspection is necessary to create a healthier mindset for building a successful and fulfilling new beginning.
Leaving Work
In my presentations to government agencies during the last few years, I have focused on how to leave work with a positive ending. Some people have a tough time with endings so they find themselves ending in unhealthy ways. For example, an employee might complain about negative aspects of their work environment and various difficult personalities they worked with. Others will put less effort into their work and become more passive so when they leave, everyone is glad they are going. Anxiety due to lack of preparation for this transition can cause illness and loss of work days as well.
How can you leave work in a positive way? When I posed this question to several groups, I got the following insightful responses that I would like to encourage you to consider for yourself:
- “I have a work bucket list and when that list is completed I will know I am ready to leave work.”
- “When I have decided to retire, I will be open about it and begin to tell my colleagues in order to prepare all of us for my leaving.”
- “I will tell those colleagues I have worked with all of the ideas and experiences I have gained from working with them.”
- “I will write a list of all the things I will miss and those things I won’t miss.”
- “I will find the time to have lunch with my team and do a debriefing of our accomplishments together.”
- “If necessary, I’ll be willing to stay several extra weeks of additional time so my boss and team can replace me with the right person.”
I would encourage you to consider these ideas and add your own so when you leave work, it will be with a great ending-one you can be proud of! Identify your own ending traditions so you create your own best new beginning.
Now go make the very best of the rest of your life!
Dee
Dee Cascio
Author, speaker, Licensed Psychotherapist, Certified Life Coach, Retirement Lifestyle/ReCareer Coach, and Life and Work Transitions Strategies Coach.
The Life and Work Transitions Community
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