The Life and Work Transition Strategies Newsletter Archives:
Volume 10, Issue 2
Protecting Family Relationships During Transitions
As a therapist and life coach for 30 years, I have had the privilege and opportunity to help clients make countless transitions. Whether we like it or not, we all go through innumerable transitions in life but few transitions are as complicated as the changes and transitions that occur in our relationships. This is because most of life’s transitions are caused by singular and often external events over which you have little control: parents divorcing, a parent or grandparent dying, a serious accident or illness, a move to a new city, getting your first post-college job, etc. The family relationships we live with daily are different.
Relationships are fluid and ever-changing. No matter how long you’ve been married or with your partner, there is a new transition right around the corner. You are not the same person you were when your relationship began. There is so much we don’t know about ourselves and each other as a relationship begins. The journey of self-exploration and understanding your partner can be exciting and challenging at the same time. The key to a healthy evolution of this relationship is communication anchored in respect, trust, understanding, curiosity, and empathy.
Couples go through many transitions throughout their time together. If you are in a relationship, here are some of the major life changes you may either anticipate or reflect back on what you have gone through:
- Making the decision to marry, committing yourself to your partner, and bringing your lives and your families together
- Climbing the career ladder or changing your career, causing adjustments for both of you and increasing the importance of give-and-take as roles, time commitments, and responsibilities change
- Deciding to have children, changing the family dynamics as you prepare a space for a new family member and adjust to new responsibilities as parents
- Raising children and facing the challenges of parenting as you co-create your own set of traditions, rituals, rules, and guidelines, enabling your child to evolve from infancy to being launched into the world
- Becoming sandwiched between having children in school and having aging parents as you try to balance your time and energy between both generations’ needs
- Empty nesting with the opportunity of refocusing your energy back to each other as your children leave the security of the family you have created for them and you have time to renew and strengthen your connection and make plans for your future as a couple
- Having retirement conversations as you change your focus from climbing the career ladder to sharing hopes and dreams about your future without work
Many couples make these transitions and seem to manage them well even if they sometimes need some help along the way. Others are not as successful for various reasons and find themselves ready to let go of the relationship. There are too many factors that can influence this outcome to address in this newsletter.
Instead, I would like to focus on how to protect your relationship and keep the connection strong throughout your relationship. Some of the following suggestions might prevent your bond with each other from failing.
- Communicate openly and honestly about your thoughts, needs, feelings, hopes, and dreams
- Be transparent in your relationship, giving your partner a chance to know how you feel so you can grow together and not apart
- Listen carefully to your partner without judgment, and let them know what you’ve heard them say to allow for clarification if necessary
- Make time once a week (or at least twice a month) for date night and protect that precious time together
- Set boundaries around your needs as a couple, considering your responsibilities as parents-remembering you are modeling for your children how a healthy couple functions
- It takes a village — build a strong support system of family and other healthy couples to enrich your relationship and anchor you when life challenges and transitions occur
- Reach out for professional help when some of life’s transitions become too overwhelming.
I have worked with many couples during my career who were stressed and without hope for the future of their relationship. Through dialogue and creating a safe environment, many found their way back to each other to create an even stronger relationship than they had before.
Remember what Barbra Streisand said in her famous song: “people who need people are the luckiest people in the world.” We grow in our relationships with others even though sometimes it can be challenging. Protect those relationships near and dear to you and remember to acknowledge them regularly.
May you and your relationships come through life and work transitions with new strength,
Dee
Dee Cascio is a Licensed Psychotherapist, a Certified Life Coach, and a Retirement Lifestyle/ReCareer Coach certified through Retirement Options. She is the author of this newsletter, a frequent workshop presenter, and a sought-after speaker.
Want more information?
Check out the Life and Work Transitions Strategies blog
Ready To Retire? Successful Retirement Planning To Make The Best Of The Rest Of Your Life
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You’ve joined a great group — people who plan to make successful transitions in life and work. May you be inspired to use your strengths and skills to grow in this season and may each transition be your best ever.
As you face changes and transition in life and work, I welcome the opportunity to assist you either on a one-on-one basis or in a group coaching setting in order to meet your needs. Please contact me.
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