Going Solo Through Life’s Transitions
During the last several weeks, I’ve learned of several life-altering changes in the lives of family members, friends, and acquaintances. One woman lost her husband of 50+ years. Another has been diagnosed with cancer and lives alone. Another is retiring because of a disability. Another has lost his job and is struggling to resume employment. All of these people are married except for two, the widow and the person diagnosed with cancer.
Going through a life-altering change and the resulting transition is difficult enough when you’re married or in a relationship with a trusted partner. While you can’t avoid the emotional impact of that change, having a trusted partner or spouse allows for a softer landing in most cases.
However, it’s easy to forget about the single person who may not have that trusted confidant in their lives. They may be single because they’ve never been married, haven’t married yet, or they are divorced or widowed. These individuals must rely on relatives, friends, and colleagues for support through a difficult transition. It’s important to have a variety of supports in your life whether you are single or married.
I spent the first half of my life as a single person and didn’t marry until I was almost 41 years old. I went through several changes and transitions during my single life, and the transitions were easier because I did have a strong support system of family and friends. Unfortunately, there are many who don’t have this caring network and a transition, even with support, can make you feel sad and lonely at times.
In his book Going Solo: The Extraordinary Rise and Surprising Appeal of Living Alone, sociologist Eric Klinenberg revealed an interesting shift in the single demographic. This comes after he spent seven years conducting interviews.
Since the 1950s, the number of single adults living alone has gone from 4 million to over 31 million today. In 1950, 22% of American adults were single versus more than 50% today. This significant increase in the number of single adults and the number of those living alone gives one pause to question what is causing this shift.
In previous generations, families tended to be traditional with spouses staying together longer and extended family members relying on each other. In recent decades, families have become more mobile and their lives are not as interwoven as they used to be. Some are choosing to stay single or marry but not have children. Many young people are staying single longer and/or deciding not to marry at all rather than be in an unhappy marriage.
What also makes it easier to live alone is that our life expectancy has increased dramatically and with healthier longevity brings the benefit of more independence. With advances in medical and health services, it’s not unusual for people to live in good health 20 to 30 years after they retire. With all these changes, we need to integrate more social support systems into our lifestyle to support us through our extended lifespan. A strong support is most important in maintaining resilience as you navigate any life transition.
There will be challenges whether we are 20, 40, or 65. How will you navigate those changes and transitions no matter what stage of life you’re in?
Here are some suggestions to keep your life rich and full no matter what lifestyle of singleness or togetherness you’ve chosen.
- Nurture a positive support system of family, friends, and colleagues.
- Weave various activities into your life so you have friends outside of work as well as within your daily work environment.
- Maintain a healthy level of autonomy in your relationships so you can be your own person.
- At all ages, take good care of your health so you can maintain your independence throughout your life span.
- Know yourself, your strengths, your values, and your purpose. Connect with those who share your values.
- If you are single, no matter what age you are, make sure you have all your legal matters in order. Ask an attorney to be the executor of your estate so you don’t have to worry about the judgment, biases, or personal life situations of friends or family members you could put into this position.
- Make sure a family member, friend, or professional knows where all your personal papers are in case there should be a serious accident or death, especially if you are single.
Life changes will happen whether we like it or not. Be prepared with a strong and positive support system, a positive attitude, and a reserve of resiliency.
Dee
Dee Cascio
Author, speaker, Licensed Psychotherapist, Certified Life Coach, Retirement Lifestyle/ReCareer Coach, and Life and Work Transitions Strategies Coach.
As you face changes and transition in life and work, I welcome the opportunity to assist you through corporate presentations, group seminars, and community workshops. Please contact me.
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