It’s Time To Reshape Your Identity
Identity cannot be found or fabricated but emerges from within when one has the courage to let go.”
—Doug Cooper
During our careers, we begin to shape our identity because of what we do. If we are lucky, our identity is also shaped by the essence of who we truly are as well. But often, we become identity-bound and begin to see ourselves as only able to do the things related to our careers and the work/roles associated with it.
As we grew up and faced adversity, we may have also formed our identity around being what others, especially our parents, wanted us to be. Consequently, we became more dependent on external approval than internal approval. Sometimes you might have been the clown, the problem-solver, or maybe a rescuer. That aspect of your identity, usually used as a coping mechanism, never really goes away unless you see its impact on your life and begin to respond to life differently.
Similarly, as you retire from work and leave your career behind, you do not leave the impact and identity that allowed you to define yourself while in your career. During your career, you have been in an environment where you were defining yourself based on what others expected of you. There are aspects of that identity that served you well and perhaps other aspects that you may not want to carry with you into retirement.
Work Identity
While working, you must do certain things and behave in a certain way in order to get your work done, be a team player, meet deadlines, climb the career ladder, deal with difficult employees, and often do what seems impossible. Frequently, work found its way into your weekends. Because we often see ourselves as “What you do is who you are,” it’s challenging for some of us to redefine ourselves as we move into our retirement years.
Like a sandcastle, all is temporary.
Build it, tend it, enjoy it.
And when the time comes, let it go.”
—Jack Kornfield
Retirement is a time of change, and it can be hard for many of us. When we become role bound and assume our identity by that role, it’s hard to imagine ourselves any other way. But, as I have written in past newsletters like “What Do You Believe About Change?” and “Turning Change Into Lasting Transformation,” nothing ever stays the same, and that includes us. There is an impermanence that none of us can control. For many, that can feel unnerving but for others, it opens so many possibilities for more in life. I’m hoping you can embrace changing your identity in your retirement back to your authentic self or some modification of it.
Remember, you can create the life and identity you want.
My Career Path
When I was teaching, I identified myself as a teacher because that was what I did. Then, when I moved into the high school setting as a counselor, I identified with all the roles that work involved and required. Subsequently, when I became a therapist in private practice working with couples and individuals, I took on the identity of a psychotherapist. All through my career, I always had an identity attached to what I did.
However, as I have moved into additional roles as a coach, author, speaker, and writer and had time for other things in my life, my identity has become more authentic because it has been much more by choice. I have tapped into skills and talents I didn’t know I had. I have come to realize that there are so many other thoughts, attitudes, values, and ideas that define me. I have also developed non-work pursuits by volunteering. All this defines me now in a way that I wasn’t in touch with before. Even though some of these activities are work-related, there is more room for creativity, choice, and exploration.
The Choice Is Yours
Choice is really the operative word. You now have a choice to do what you want to do and be who you really are. It is a wonderful freedom to finally have that autonomy. I know a CPA and an attorney who love to cook and are great at it. I have a lawyer friend who is a creative artist. So many of my clients have found their passion in volunteering in their communities.
Another way of looking at identity is: why does your identity have to be so compartmentalized? Why can’t your true self be integrated into the work that you do? As a friend said, “What if we allowed our passion, our values, and our moral character to predominate at work and on our own time? Know who you are and be willing to take responsibility for your behavior, explore your values and what is important to you. Express it with confidence and don’t be afraid to stand up for yourself.” We do have that choice. We must overcome the fear that sometimes hold us back from allowing our true selves to be seen.
Discovering Your True Identity
As you prepare for your Third Act or continue in this life stage if you are already in it, here is a mindset that will help you make room for your true identity to emerge.
- Be open to self-discovery and explore your strengths, values, interests, and how these attributes make you who you are now.
- Feel confident in who you are and believe you are truly capable of making your third act successful.
- Take responsibility for claiming your true identity and internalize it so you are impervious to external pressures that define you.
- Be consistent and practice this mindset daily so you do not relapse into old behaviors where you disconnect from your identity.
- Design your Third Act by integrating these aspects of yourself into your life stage planning.
- Don’t fall into the trap of comparing yourself to others. There is only one you.
- Honor your authenticity and share it with others as a part of your legacy.
Embrace who you truly are as you follow your internal compass and make this time the best you’ve ever experienced!
Dee
As you face the challenges due to COVID-19 as well as changes and transitions in life and work, I welcome the opportunity to assist you. I am available for virtual consultations and virtual presentations at this time instead of corporate and group seminars and community workshops. Please contact me.
Dee Cascio
Author, speaker, Licensed Psychotherapist, Certified Life Coach, Retirement Lifestyle/ReCareer Coach, and Life and Work Transitions Strategies Coach.
The Life and Work Transitions Community
You’ve joined a great group — people who plan to make successful transitions in life and work. May you be inspired to use your strengths and skills to grow in this season and may each transition be your best ever.
Reshape your identity with help from these resources
Ready To Retire? Successful Retirement Planning To Make The Best Of The Rest Of Your Life
