Letting Go Is Hard To Do
Over the 30 years that I have been a therapist and coach, I have seen clients struggle with changes in their lives. Sometimes they sought my help and support because of these changes in their lives and how they were affecting their relationships at work or at home. They may have experienced a professional loss, like being laid off, demoted, or promoted. Some clients might have been going through a personal change like marital conflict, divorce, or raising a problem child. Other clients over the years have sought help because they lost a loved one and couldn’t imagine living their life without them.
Several weeks ago, ESPN announced the layoffs of 100 on-air and online anchors, reporters, and analysts. Imagine the concerns of these employees, worried about how this layoff will affect their lives. How will they move on and redefine themselves? It’s got to be hard to grasp the loss of the work you loved, especially because many of them are in their 40s and 50s. Will they try to find work reporting on sports at another network or will they go for news reporting or human interest writing, stretching into a whole new place? Will some of them decide to try a new career and others to retire?
Freedom From The Past
No matter what they do, they will have to find a way to let go of the way their work lives have been at ESPN before they can move on. If they don’t, they will be controlled by their past and not experience the freedom of choice that letting go may bring them.
“Without freedom from the past, there is no freedom at all.”
—Krishnamurti
In these kinds of situations, there will need to be a “letting go” of what used to be, what you wanted it to be, or what you thought it should have been. For all practical purposes, you need to find a way to reimagine what your life is about to become and how that will affect you and those around you. There is a wise adage that “Letting go will set you free.” However, to take advantage of that adage, you must have the right attitude.
I’ve known people who have not been able to experience that freedom because they have been so thoroughly entrapped by their past. How many people do you know who have lost a spouse through death or divorce, who have not been able to restart their lives? They may have been happily married most of their adult life, had children and now everything has changed. It’s not trying to put a happy face on a personal tragedy to say that they can now experience the freedom of not having to worry about anyone else while creating their best single life. They will still hold on to the memories while moving forward. You still must “let go” to envision a positive attitude towards your new life. What could that look like as you redefine yourself as a single person with a whole new world ahead of you? In the past several years, I’ve watched a family member and several close friends go through this very process.
The Transition
The key is to allow yourself to go through a transition that requires you to grieve the loss of what used to be. Whether you liked your work or not, your adjustment to losing your colleagues, your financial security, and your identity with what you have been doing will require some emotional adjustments and time. Even if your marriage was on the rocks for a while, you still must grieve the loss of what you had before your relationship began to dissolve and what you had expected of your future together. After the birth of your first child, you’ll be excited to be starting your family and creating it out of love. But, you’ll also grieve the loss of the freedom you had and the sleep that you miss. You’ll grieve this loss even as you envision your new parenting role you’ve assumed by welcoming this new being into your family.
How Will You Let Go?
Even though it is hard to do, “letting go”—done well—can make the rest of the transition much easier. It’s more challenging to move forward in your life if you have not let go of the past in a healthy way. Here are some suggestions to accomplish a successful letting go.
- Realistically acknowledge the change in your life and name it.
- Respect what you are letting go of.
- Reflect on the positive memories of what you are leaving behind.
- Allow yourself to grieve the loss of what used to be.
- Find the courage within yourself to trust the emergence of a new beginning.
- Lean on your support system of trusted family, friends, and colleagues.
- Remember that your identity is about who you are and not what you do.
You will be able to let go with much more confidence in yourself and what is yet to come.
“We must be willing to let go of the life we planned,
to have the life that is waiting for us.”
—Joseph Campbell
Now go and make the very best of whatever changes come your way.
Dee Cascio
Author, speaker, Licensed Psychotherapist, Certified Life Coach, Retirement Lifestyle/ReCareer Coach, and Life and Work Transitions Strategies Coach.
As you face changes and transition in life and work, I welcome the opportunity to assist you either on a one-on-one basis or in a group coaching setting in order to meet your needs. Please contact me.
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