Life Transitions: You’re Not The Only One
Helping others in need is not only a responsibility in life
it’s what gives meaning to life.”
—Dr. Mollie Marti
My newsletters are usually directed at you, my reader, and the various aspects of the personal transitions you’re going through. However, have you stopped, looked, and listened to the many transitions those around you are going through? I hadn’t realized there were so many changes going on within my own family until my husband and I began talking about it one evening over dinner. I would imagine that many of us have friends and family members who are going through major life-altering changes. While these transitions may not immediately impact your life, those going through them may need your compassion, understanding, and support.
My husband and I were fortunate to be born into large families. Each of us are the second oldest of five siblings. We wouldn’t have it any other way because we both enjoy being with our extended family, their spouses, and the many children that have created a large tribe of interesting and lovable individuals.
As I have reflected on this gift in our lives, I’m amazed at the number of traditional and important life cycle transitions many of our family members are experiencing. At this point, we are covering almost all of them. What is heartwarming and encouraging is how we are supporting each other as we each move through these life transitions.
Here are just a few of the transitions going in our family. After reading my examples, take a few minutes to think about the significant transitions your family and friends are experiencing.
One of my nephews and his wife just had their first baby. This little bundle of joy, who will grow and evolve over her lifetime, has ended the freedom they both enjoyed and maybe took for granted. It’s been traded for the adventure of starting their own family. This will require more changes, like eventually moving into a larger home with fewer steps in a more family-friendly design than they have now. Their sleep-disrupted nights will, hopefully, give way to more of a routine they will eventually grow into. It takes a village and this baby has family and friends helping. I’m honored to be able to be a part of my great niece’s life and I’m carving out time in my work schedule to help with childcare. Most importantly, I’m building a lifelong relationship with this new family member and other newborns in our family, just as I did with their parents when they were born 30+ years ago.
One of my nieces is planning a fall wedding to her fiancé whom she met almost 10 years ago. Now, with educations completed and careers in process, they are ready to make that commitment. It’s fun to watch them planning every detail of this exciting event. In November, they will be ending their lives as single people and merging their lives and families to begin the next stage of their lives together. They’re already looking for their first home and planning their future step-by-step.
Another nephew and his wife will send their firstborn daughter off to college in the fall. During her college search, she explored schools close to home in Colorado as well as schools on the east coast, close to where we live. It was fun going to various colleges in Washington DC and surrounding areas to help her get an idea of what the campus environment was like. She had done the research and already knew that these schools were strong in her chosen field of study. Finally, as acceptances have been received, she’s decided to go to a college in her home state with an excellent reputation in her major. While she chose a local university, it was gratifying to be a part of her search on the east coast and her decision-making process. My nephew and his wife will begin the process of emptying their nest even though they still have one more teenager at home.
My husband’s brother and sister-in-law are at another stage in their life as they downsize their living situation from a three-level home to a two-bedroom, one-level condo. Since he and his wife are in their early 80s, they decided to let go of all the work involved in owning and taking care of their large home, giving way to more ease and simplicity in their lives. My husband was available when his brother wanted to talk about various phases of this move. Downsizing, if you’ve ever had to do it, is not for the faint of heart. Letting go of all your “stuff” is hard. Luckily, their two daughters, who live close by, were there to help. The transition to a much smaller living space will be an adjustment they will make over time.
In addition to the positive life transitions my family is going through, we have several friends going through more sad and difficult transitions. They include various stages of a cancer or other life-threatening diagnoses, letting go of a marriage of 20+ years, and trying to imagine life as a single person. And then, based on my stage in life, there are also those family and friends who are in various phases of retirement. Some are in the early stages of planning for when they retire from their careers, several are in the process of retiring, and others have retired and are in the throes of redefining themselves separate from the work they have done for a lifetime.
If you have a family member, friend, or colleague going through a significant life transition, you may be able to offer some support. Here’s where to begin:
- Do an assessment of those close to you and be aware and sensitive to any life-altering situations they may be going through.
- Gently approach them. Say you noticed there has been a change in their life. Ask if there is something you can do to help. It could be running errands, giving advice when asked, or asking them if they’re open to a suggestion. You might offer respite care if a family member or friend is caregiving. You might offer to babysit if a young couple needs a break.
- Be respectful of those you are offering to help if they are not open to your help now. They may need more time to go through their personal adjustment. If they are more private, they may need to figure out what kind of help they need.
- Try to put yourself in the family member or friend’s situation to discover what might feel good or be helpful to you and then check it out to see if it fits for them. You may be surprised to discover your offer was just what they needed at the time.
- Be a resource to a friend or family member going through a transition. You may not be able to assist them, but you may know someone who has services they need.
A person’s most useful asset is not a head full of knowledge,
but a heart full of love, an ear ready to listen,
and a hand ready to help others.”
—Quote Gate
Remember, you are not the only one who might be going through a life-challenging transition. Be aware of how you might help a friend or family member as you would want them to help you. If you have built reserve energy into your lifestyle, you’ll have enough energy under most circumstances to help others, too.
Dee
Dee Cascio
Author, speaker, Licensed Psychotherapist, Certified Life Coach, Retirement Lifestyle/ReCareer Coach, and Life and Work Transitions Strategies Coach.
As you face changes and transition in life and work, I welcome the opportunity to assist you through corporate presentations, group seminars, and community workshops. Please . contact me.
Do you need a helping hand preparing for retirement?
As I mentioned above, families go through many transitions. A lot of thought, planning, and communal advice goes into selecting a college, planning a wedding, buying a home, and advancing one’s career. Yet many families are strangely silent on what works and doesn’t work for retirement. Ready To Retire? Successful Retirement Planning To Make The Best Of The Rest Of Your Life is the help you need. The Dig Deeper questions personalize the experience for you so your retirement can be uniquely your own.
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The Life and Work Transitions Community
You’ve joined a great group — people who plan to make successful transitions in life and work. May you be inspired to use your strengths and skills to grow in this season and may each transition be your best ever.
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