Loneliness Can Be Hazardous To Your Transition
Have you ever felt lonely? Well, you’re not alone. However, there is a difference between being lonely and being alone.
Loneliness, as a state of being, is growing in the United States and other countries. Loneliness is far beyond being alone. Being alone to rest or recharge your batteries or read a book on a quiet afternoon is important for all of us. In fact, the ability to be alone and feel at peace with yourself is an indication you’re comfortable in your own skin and like your own company. All of us need some “alone time” every so often.
You cannot be lonely if you like the person you are lonely with.”
—Wayne Dyer
Loneliness—defined as feeling isolated, empty, and disconnected—is very different. It’s a feeling that you seldom hear people mention because they’re afraid others might think they’re unable to develop friendships or they’re depressed and don’t have the energy to be with others. You can feel lonely in a crowd when you can’t connect to the people you are with, the social situation, or the event you are attending.
Loneliness in the US and Great Britain has become such a problem that Lance Robertson, the US Assistant Secretary for Aging, is developing strategies to help combat this problem. Britain has also appointed its first Minister of Loneliness to help understand and eliminate this loneliness problem.
You might wonder what this has to do with life and work transitions, which I write about monthly. Often, when you’re going through a significant change in your life, there’s a sense of loss as the change occurs and something comes to an end. Students going away to college for the first time can feel lonely as they leave parents, siblings, long-term friends, and classmates behind. This loneliness is normal until they begin to build a new network of friends, roommates, and instructors while they involve themselves in new routines. If you’re going through a separation or divorce, you can easily feel lost and lonely as you go from being married to being single. Often, friends withdraw if they take sides or couples no longer invite you to their couples’ gatherings.
To further your career, you may be forced to relocate yourself and your family. There can be a sense of loss and loneliness as you enter a whole new community, leaving behind extended family as well as friends and colleagues. It can be disorienting as you find your way around a new city. On the other hand, a move can be exciting and filled with opportunity. It’s really what you make of it.
At some point you have to realize that some people can stay in your heart but not in your life.”
—author unknown
A Multigeneration Loneliness Epidemic
If you’re in the boomer generation, you might feel you’ve been the hardest hit by the loneliness epidemic. When you retired from work, you’ve left your work team, your work-related social network, your work routine, and work structure. You must recreate what you had at work into your retirement lifestyle. Compounding this, as you age, you begin to lose your friends and loved ones as they move or pass away.
In an article written by J. Adamy and P. Overberg, they referenced The University of Chicago’s General Social Survey done in 2013. The survey has tracked American attitudes since 1972. They asked those surveyed how often they lacked companionship, felt left out or isolated from others. Baby boomers said they experienced these feelings more often than any other generation. The Boomer generation, priding itself on independence, had fewer children than previous generations. Since many were married to their work and divorced in greater numbers, many are finding themselves living alone in later life with fewer adult children to attend to their needs. As we get older, it’s more challenging to forge long term, deeper friendships.
More recent studies have reported conflicting results. Jayne O’Donnell and Shari Rudavsky of USA Today wrote an article summarizing an interesting study of 20,000 multigenerational respondents conducted by Cigna. In their 2018 article, “Young Americans are the Loneliest, A Surprising Study from Cigna,” the authors reported that Cigna found a significant number of millennials (23-37) and Generation Zs (18-22) responded with feeling lonelier and more isolated. This was unexpected because this generation is the most plugged into and engaged in social media. Surprisingly, this younger generation felt even lonelier than the boomer generation. According to the study, although social media makes it easier to connect with their friends, it turns out that it’s the quality of the relationship and not the number of followers that strengthens relationships. The younger generations feel lonely when there isn’t a balance between social media communication and face-to-face connection. Often younger generations compare themselves to their cohorts who may have a large number of followers but they don’t see the lack of quality of that following.
Based on my 32 years of experience as a therapist for families and individuals of all ages, face-to-face communication is critical to healthy social and emotional development. It’s the way we all form meaningful, heart-to-heart relationships, leaving us feeling warmly connected to our family, friends, and colleagues.
No matter what generation you find yourself in, it’s normal to feel lonely when you’re going through a transition, especially when it’s a significant transition. It’s when you get stuck in that state of mind that it can create problems in your life. The Cigna study mentioned earlier also referenced a 2010 study finding that loneliness is as dangerous as smoking 15 cigarettes a day. In other words, it can be hazardous to physical and your emotional well-being. You can take action to move from loneliness to connection. It’s up to you.
Ways To Avoid The Pitfalls Of Loneliness
- Remember, loneliness is an indication that something in your life has changed or that something in your life needs to change.
- Nurture those trusted family relationships and friendships. Don’t pass up an opportunity to make a new acquaintance that could lead to a lasting relationship. Hold on to the good parts and let go of the rest.
- Accept that there will be losses of relationships along life’s way for various reasons. Be grateful that you had those relationships.
- Join some groups and explore meet-ups if you are new to a community. Be open to testing out community or faith-based activities.
- Explore singles groups or activities if you are single or recently single through death or divorce. Be open to meeting people that share similar interests, attitudes, and values.
- Be optimistic and expect acceptance and warmth from those you meet. Give it back and act as if you are already a part of this group.
- Volunteer and give back to your community. Those who give of themselves usually get so much more in return. You may end up helping someone else who may be feeling lonely, too.
- Know the difference between being alone and feeling lonely.
Follow these suggestions so you can take charge of your emotional and physical life and eliminate the hazard of loneliness while navigating any life transition.
Dee
Dee Cascio
Author, speaker, Licensed Psychotherapist, Certified Life Coach, Retirement Lifestyle/ReCareer Coach, and Life and Work Transitions Strategies Coach.
As you face changes and transition in life and work, I welcome the opportunity to assist you through corporate presentations, group seminars, and community workshops. Please . contact me.
Adopt these simple strategies to combat loneliness
You may wonder how a book with the title Ready To Retire? Successful Retirement Planning To Make The Best Of The Rest Of Your Life can combat loneliness. The Dig Deeper questions throughout the book help you identify your purpose and passion and then suggest ways to stay active and engaged during all of life’s transitions.
Order a copy today (Amazon PRIME members may get 2-day shipping)
The Life and Work Transitions Community
You’ve joined a great group — people who plan to make successful transitions in life and work. May you be inspired to use your strengths and skills to grow in this season and may each transition be your best ever.
Want more help for your life and work transitions?
Check out the Life and Work Transitions Strategies blog
Ready To Retire? Successful Retirement Planning To Make The Best Of The Rest Of Your Life Updated with more information about replacing the benefits that work provides
