Love That Lasts Through Retirement
Next to Christmas, Valentine’s Day is one of our oldest celebrated holidays. In 498 AD, Pope Gelasius declared February 14 as a day to honor St. Valentine. Later, during the middle ages, the French and English noticed that the middle of February was the beginning of the birds’ mating season which added to the idea that mid-February should be a time of romance. This belief subsequently morphed into the very popular Valentine’s Day tradition of recognizing one of the most significant relationships in life.
I can remember exchanging Valentine’s Day cards with elementary school classmates, a tradition that is still widely practiced today. As we got older and entered high school and college, many of us had a special relationship that we honored by giving a small gift or a card. This holiday celebrating love has always been a part of our lives.
An Act Of Love
While Valentine’s Day is often thought of as a young lovers’ holiday, you may have heard about the You Tube video that went viral a number of years ago. I remembered it because it was so profound and touching.
The video showed an older gentleman, John, expressing love and patience with his wife, Linda, who was recovering from a stroke. Five years earlier, Linda was at the top of her game as a high-energy, successful professional. Unfortunately, the stroke left her partially paralyzed, unable to speak, read, or write. While she recovered from her paralysis and is now able to speak, she is still unable to read or write.
The video that went viral was taken in a Starbuck’s Café by a young man who was profoundly touched by what he was observing. He quietly watched as John, with love and patience, worked with cue cards to help Linda towards reclaiming her ability to read and write. The young man who took the video said “Patience, love and understanding at its finest. People, this is true love.”
Who wouldn’t agree with this young man’s observations and comments? The video is more of an expression of love than any Hallmark card showing a couple holding hands while walking on the beach. Love is easy when you’re young, healthy, and free of most of life’s problems and obligations. The video was symbolic of a deeper love that grows over time and grows even deeper in tough times. John was giving Linda quality time and a huge gift as an expression of his love when he helped her with her reading and writing skills.
This is a lesson for all of us. None of us knows what emotional and physical challenges life will bring, especially as we move into our later years. Life becomes a little more unpredictable because of many unforeseen events.
The Languages Of Love
It’s also important to learn what the significant people in your life need to feel loved. What is their love language and what is yours? Sometimes these expressions of love are misinterpreted by those we love because we aren’t speaking their language. Dr. Gary Chapman wrote a book entitled The 5 Love Languages. On his website, there is a quiz you can take to learn your love language so you can share the results with your partner and family. Here are the 5 languages of love.
- Words of affirmation — saying kind and encouraging words
- Acts of service — doing something nice for the other person
- Receiving gifts — giving a gift to show you care (flowers, cards, a love note, something meaningful to the recipient)
- Quality time — spending uninterrupted time with your loved one
- Physical touch — demonstrating acts of affection like hugs, holding hands, etc.
Take the quiz and see what you need to feel loved and share it with those who care about you.
Love The One You’re With
Age is a seasoning that gives us wisdom and knowledge. It opens up more possibilities for engaging in life’s purpose and meaning by dedicating ourselves to others, whether it’s a spouse, friend, or some unknown child halfway around the world. Unfortunately, it also brings with it age-related physical, emotional, and cognitive changes. Each of us as spouses, family members, and friends will be called upon to support each other through difficult times a loved one might have. Will you be up to the challenge when that time comes? The strength of a relationship over twenty, thirty, and forty plus years will be tested during these times.
Loving the one you’re with through good times and bad is one of life’s balancing acts. Even though our hearts are in it, it isn’t always easy. Be thankful for who you have in your life and the lifestyle you have created. Enjoy positive experiences and trust that you will be able to cope with and be flexible regarding the more challenging situations.
Here are some thoughts for you to consider throughout the year, not just on Valentine’s Day:
- Develop strong relationships with your partner, family, and friends that will sustain you through good times and bad times.
- Take the 5 Love Languages quiz. Give back as much as you would like to receive.
- Give support and be able to receive support.
- Be willing to admit when you have made a mistake and remember it is never too late to say “I’m sorry” and make amends. See the Apology Language quiz at https://5lovelanguages.com/quizzes.
- Consider how your actions influence the people in your life that you love and care about.
- Show in different ways, large or small, that you love the important people in your life.
- We never know what curves life will send us. For that reason, you should enjoy the long-earned fruits of your efforts now. Don’t wait until it’s too late.
Love with deep intention not only on Valentine’s Day but all year long and remember to make the best of your life for the rest of your life.
Dee
As you face the challenges due to COVID-19 as well as changes and transitions in life and work, I welcome the opportunity to assist you. I am available for virtual consultations and virtual presentations at this time instead of corporate and group seminars and community workshops. Please contact me.
Dee Cascio
Author, speaker, Licensed Psychotherapist, Certified Life Coach, Retirement Lifestyle/ReCareer Coach, and Life and Work Transitions Strategies Coach.
The Life and Work Transitions Community
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Include those you love in retirement discussions with the thought-provoking questions here.
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