The Retirement Lifestyle Strategies Newsletter Archives:
Volume 10, Issue 1
You Are Never Alone In Transition
Despite how it may feel, change and the transition that follows a change never happen in isolation. You are not alone in whatever transition you are facing right now. With very few exceptions (perhaps being the first person to set foot on Mars or the moon), other people have faced similar circumstances to yours, and significant others, family members, friends, neighbors, co-workers, acquaintances, complete strangers, and enemies have opinions and advice to offer.
By understanding the anatomy of a transition and other people’s place in YOURS, you can plan to avoid major conflict and unpleasantness and transition successfully to a new stage of life.
Every transition includes a who, what, when, where, why, and how—just like those essays you learned to write when you were in school. View this transition as your opportunity to write a fabulous story line with a positive ending for yourself and those you care about.
Who: You AND possibly every other person in relationship to you
What: A period of time that starts with a change
When: Throughout life’s journey
Where: In an individual’s life, in families, in communities, in workplaces, in the world
Why: Change encourages/forces/enables us to adopt a “new normal”
How: Through education, wise counsel/support, exploration, trial-and-error, life experience
Imagine that the change you have just experienced is becoming engaged (congratulations to both of you!) and you are transitioning to a new life together. Both of you need to take time to evaluate the who, what, when, where, and whys instead of getting too caught up in wedding planning and the fantasy presented by the wedding industry. The life and relationships you nurture now and after the wedding are more important than the day itself.
- How will you balance the integration of the family you grew up in with your fiance’s family?
- What activities do you both enjoy that could keep you close with family, friends?
- How will you decide where/with whom to spend holidays and how will you handle disagreements?
- Which friendships fit your new “coupleness” and which don’t—and how will you handle that?
- Will you still be hanging out with work buddies? How often? Doing what?
- Can you see this as a transition time or do you feel stuck?
- Do you feel self-directed in this new and exciting transition?
- When in your life have you handled a similar transition (leaving home to go to college, moving away to start a new job) and what made you successful?
- Where do you feel the most support? How can you tap into that?
- Where do you feel the most resistance? Why? How can you thoughtfully soften the resistance?
- Can you identify why people around you are acting up, acting out, or withdrawing (certainly not because you are behaving like the legendary bridezillas) and identify one thing you can do differently?
- Is it about them or you?
- How will you as an individual and you as a couple make your engagement period less stressful—will you
- Seek counsel from family and friends
- Read everything you can
- Explore on your own
- Explore together
- Set respectful boundaries so you can enjoy this time of your life
- Set and stick to a budget
You will encounter change and transitions—in addition to becoming engaged to be married—throughout your life including
- Starting a family
- Going back to school
- Becoming an empty nester
- Being promoted
- Going through a divorce
- Moving to a new location
- Changing jobs
- Retiring
- Facing a life-threatening illness
- Grieving the death of a loved one
Take your transition apart and look at the people—in addition to yourself—who will be affected by this change in your life. Decide which relationships you want to keep and how you will nurture them through this time and beyond. If this seems like an impossible dream and you still feel alone in your time of transition, contact me for transition strategies. Together we can make the very best of all your life and work transitions so you can grow personally and professionally.
All the best,
Dee
Dee Cascio is a Licensed Psychotherapist, a Certified Life Coach, and a Retirement Lifestyle/ReCareer Coach certified through Retirement Options. She is the author of this newsletter, a frequent workshop presenter, and a sought-after speaker.
Starting a new life (but not ready to retire)? You can still benefit from the moving and home-selection advice here.
The Retirement Lifestyle Strategies Community
You’ve joined a great group — people who plan to use their retirement years to leave a legacy instead of just stopping work and pursuing leisure activities. May you be inspired to develop your own plan to make the best of your life for the rest of your life.
As you face changes and transition in life and work, I welcome the opportunity to assist you either on a one-on-one basis or in a group coaching setting in order to meet your retirement needs. Please contact me.
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