Reflections On Life Transitions
Transitions come in all different sizes. They can be complicated or simple, hard or easy, large or small, predictable or unpredictable, life altering or life enhancing, or somewhere in between.
Every year we transition to the new year looking forward to a fresh start and new beginnings. Many of us reflect on the previous year, the lessons learned, and their impact on the choices we’ve created. How will those choices impact the expectations for a new beginning? As you know from reading my newsletters, the way you end any life event is the barometer as to how your new beginning will evolve.
Everything in your life is a reflection
of a choice you have made.
If you want a different result,
make a different choice.”
—Idle Hearts
Too many of us, I for one, often don’t stop and smell the roses and revel in our accomplishments and successes. We’re on to the next challenge without reflection and gratitude for what we’ve learned about our self and our world. Or we spend too much time lamenting about our failures instead of learning from them and integrating those learnings into a fresh start. Reflection as a stage of any transition is a building block to more confidence. But you must take time to revel in what you accomplished and learned in the process.
Reflections
I began my private practice 32 years ago after spending 4 years taking numerous additional graduate courses and spending months studying and reviewing every text book I had used in my master’s program. Prior to taking a four-hour exam and an intensive hour-long oral exam to meet the requirements for Virginia licensing, I also had to complete a two-year supervised practicum. At times, I thought I would never get there and contemplated giving up. However, not completing something I’ve started is not in my vocabulary.
I remember like it was yesterday when I drove to Richmond, Virginia for the first time to take my exam and the second time to sit for my oral exam. For weeks I anxiously awaited the outcome of my exams.
In December of 1986, I got the letter saying that I had met all the requirements to begin my private practice in Virginia. I was so relieved yet very anxious and excited to begin preparation for starting my private practice. Meanwhile, my husband, Tom, kept saying, “Dee, can’t you just stop and enjoy what you’ve accomplished? You spent all this time preparing and you’re not even taking time to acknowledge this milestone in your career.” Tom was right. But my first impulse was to immediately move onto the next thing. It’s been a lifelong challenge for me to stop and smell the roses. In self-reflection, I’ve missed out on some of the important milestones and lessons learned. Today, I’m much better at this confidence-building skill.
End To Begin
New Year’s resolutions fail because there isn’t any depth to why you’re creating them in the first place. The “why” of any change and transition allows for a deepening of your intentions when changing any aspect of your life. What is your intention in changing whatever you intend to change? What will make your life different with this change and do you have the support system in place to make this commitment to the transitional process?
Instead of making New Year’s resolutions that will fall along the way side, spend time reflecting on last year’s accomplishments or lack thereof. That’s what really solidifies a successful transition. Behaviors won’t change unless you know why you are changing them. Are you unhappy in some aspect of your life: career, relationships, health, purpose, finances, not enough time to relax, etc.? Are you looking for ways to improve these areas of your life?
If you examine what is working well in those life areas, you can focus on your success and then build on it. When you build a reserve of confidence in your ability to accomplish success, it makes you better able to look at what needs improvement. I call it the softer landing.
What makes some transitions successful and others unsuccessful? For some, it’s way too painful to look at the lessons that weren’t learned the first time around so there’s an incomplete feeling. That’s hard to face. Ask yourself what you can learn from those intentions, thoughts, and actions taken. What do you wished you had done differently rather than allowing missteps to paralyze you or create an excuse or inertia? You’re more likely to be much happier with the outcome if you are willing to open yourself to reflection.
Ways Of Reflecting
Every stage of life has its challenges and opportunities. No matter what stage of your life you’re in or what transitions you are in the middle of or are anticipating, you might want to consider some ways of reflecting.
A model that I think works well as you reflect on this past year is the six areas of life model. The Six Areas of Life are:
- Career/Work
- Health and Wellness
- Finances
- Family Relationships/Friendships
- Leisure and Social
- Personal/Spiritual Development
As you reflect on each of these areas, you are exploring lessons learned and where you want to make improvements. As you do this:
- Be challenge driven — so you’ll stretch and grow
- Become excited and drawn to what you feel passionate about
- Reflect on your values and what’s important to you
- Create feelings of independence, connectedness, and competence
- Be purposeful — be motivated from within and seek meaning
- Write it down — put it in black and white and keep it visible
- Reflect with commitment and accountability to yourself and others
Then ask yourself the following reflective questions:
- What area of your life do you want to reflect on?
- What accomplishments can you celebrate before you move on to the next life challenge?
- What lessons did you learn from your successes in 2018 that might help you in 2019?
- Who and what has helped you in the past and can be there for you now and in the future?
- What obstacles are standing in your way besides you?
Everyone and everything that shows up in our life is a reflection of something that is happening inside of us.”
—Alan Cohen
With a reflective ending to this past year, you can begin to anticipate and enjoy all you can look forward to in this new year.
Dee
Dee Cascio
Author, speaker, Licensed Psychotherapist, Certified Life Coach, Retirement Lifestyle/ReCareer Coach, and Life and Work Transitions Strategies Coach.
As you face changes and transition in life and work, I welcome the opportunity to assist you through corporate presentations, group seminars, and community workshops, please contact me.
A tool to aid in your reflection
Asking the right questions is key to getting the most satisfactory answers. The Dig Deeper questions in Ready To Retire? Successful Retirement Planning To Make The Best Of The Rest Of Your Life will help you reflect on your choices and then make the best of your life RIGHT NOW, not just in retirement.
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The Life and Work Transitions Community
You’ve joined a great group — people who plan to make successful transitions in life and work. May you be inspired to use your strengths and skills to grow in this season and may each transition be your best ever.
Want more help for your life and work transitions?
Check out the Life and Work Transitions Strategies blog
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