The Life and Work Transition Strategies Newsletter Archives:
Volume 10, Issue 3
The Role Of Resilience In Life
Webster defines resilience as our ability to recover from or adjust easily to misfortune or change. What does this mean to you?
Why is it that some people bounce back from adversity more easily than others? Often it may look that way, but if the truth be known, they’ve had their own struggles. Even the most successful people must work through changes in their lives and find ways to transition towards the light at the end of the tunnel.
In her article The Foundations of the Resiliency Framework, Bonnie Bernard M.S.W. refers to several longitudinal research studies indicating that even children born into high-risk and dysfunctional families have the capacity to lead successful lives with the support of families, schools, and communities. She says the research indicates that “It is our inborn capacity for self-righting (Werner and Smith, 1992) and for transformation and change (Lifton, 1993).” In other words, with the right support and environmental conditions, even disadvantaged children can develop resilience that will serve them well in adulthood.
Also, as adults we appreciate that we have already made it through other transitions in our lives successfully. With patience and fortitude, we learn to deal with the discomfort by moving through the stages of transitions caused by a change in our lives. That’s how we build resilience.
My Resilience Story
By December 1986, I had achieved a professional goal that I had wanted for many years. I had completed all the requirements and had finally earned my license to launch a private psychotherapy practice in the state of Virginia. I was very excited about the thought of starting my own business. That also meant that to be successful, I would need to put all my energy into marketing to build a client base.
The writing was on the wall. I would need to take a leave of absence from my counseling position in Fairfax County Public Schools. The easy part was writing the letter requesting a leave of absence for one year. As I wrote my letter of request, I remember thinking that if my new business didn’t work out, I could always go back to my counseling position. I was granted that leave of absence and was free to begin marketing my practice and seeing clients.
While I knew exactly what I had to do, I was not prepared for what would happen as I entered the fall season. For two decades, I had routinely gone back to my position at my high school and work that was familiar to me. Instead, I was setting up appointments to visit elementary, intermediate, and high school counselors. I was asking former colleagues how I could provide services to support their students who weren’t succeeding in school.
Even though what I was doing was exciting and challenging, I wasn’t prepared for how much I would miss the routine of going to my office each day. I hadn’t appreciated how important interacting with students, teachers, and parents was to fulfilling that need of feeling connected. As I pushed through my feelings of loneliness, I realized that I had to let go of my high school counseling role if I was going to get my practice started.
As I moved through this transition, I found myself grieving the loss of what used to be, even though my new business was something that I really wanted. I was in the “neutral zone” stage of my transition, having let go and trying to figure out how to make this new career work. Intellectually, I knew that I was grieving that loss but it was finally hitting me emotionally. There were times when I felt so lonely that I questioned whether I had made the right decision to leave behind a career I had known for 20 years.
As I questioned my decision, I realized I had to recreate what I was missing as part of my “new beginning.” How was I going to do this? This is where resilience played a key role in my life. Like others, I had successfully faced challenging times in my life and made the necessary transitions. How could I use those resiliency skills now?
Below are the resiliency skills I used to make the transition to my new business successful. Over the course of the first 6 months, I:
- Created a new daily schedule with exercise, marketing meetings, and times to see clients
- Asked for guidance and support from family and friends
- Scheduled social events with friends
- Reached out to other therapists and joined several therapy consultation groups
- Nurtured relationships with school counselors who made referrals to me
- Joined professional organizations not only to further my career but to meet other therapists
- Invested in trainings to advance my therapeutic skills
- Maintained a positive attitude during the ups and downs of starting a new business
These resiliency skills ultimately helped me to build a private practice that has successfully endured for 30 years.
Resilience is all about being able to overcome the unexpected.
Sustainability is about survival. The goal of resilience is to thrive.”
—Jamais Cascio
Other Resilience Skills
I am always curious about how others find the strength to move forward through adversity and move forward to their new beginning. Some of the stories I heard were about:
Divorce: One person told me that as she went through her divorce, she knew she would have to plan carefully. She used this opportunity to reach out to her mom for emotional support, becoming closer to her mother and developing a bond that has survived other transitions. She said she became much more introspective, understanding herself and her behaviors better so she could make better decisions in other relationships. She also relied on a strong spiritual belief to sustain her.
Death of a parent: Another person shared that when her mother died unexpectedly, she also relied on her spiritual beliefs. She focused on the gratitude she felt for the time she had with her mother and the fond memories they had created together. She relied on the support of family and friends to sustain her. As she mourned her loss, she invested more time and energy into her work, which she enjoys.
Alcoholism: Another close family friend told me that he knew he would have to make sacrifices to survive the aftermath of growing up with alcoholic parents. Education was his way out, along with the strong survival bond that he developed with his siblings. He became very resourceful about finding ways to be away from his home and making his own money. When he became a parent, he took parenting classes to make sure he didn’t make the mistakes his parents had made with him. From this adversity, he learned compassion and forgiveness.
These are just a few examples of how resilience works in our lives, sometimes without our even knowing it. You have many resources within you that you just need to remember to access. Invite your resilience to show up and trust that you will make it through your life and work transitions successfully.
When we learn how to become resilient, we learn how to
embrace the beautifully broad spectrum of the human experience.”
—Jaeda Dewalt
Let me help you identify skills you already have and can put into practice to build resiliency and smooth the way during your next life and work transitions.
Dee
Dee Cascio is a Licensed Psychotherapist, a Certified Life Coach, and a Retirement Lifestyle/ReCareer Coach certified through Retirement Options. She is the author of this newsletter, a frequent workshop presenter, and a sought-after speaker.
Want more help for your life and work transitions?
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You’ve joined a great group — people who plan to make successful transitions in life and work. May you be inspired to use your strengths and skills to grow in this season and may each transition be your best ever.
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