The Space Between: The Fertile Void
One doesn’t discover new lands without consenting
to lose sight of the shore for a very long time.”
—Andre’ Gide
Last month, my newsletter was about the first stage of the transition process. That stage of letting go of the past is often called The Ending. As mentioned in that newsletter, until we are able to let go of The Past, we can’t successfully move forward to the future. But where exactly is this forward destination going to take us and how can we get there?
William Bridges, author and the creator of this transition model, said we can’t determine this forward direction until we spend sufficient time in what he called the Neutral Zone. By his definition, sufficient time might be anything from a couple of days to several years. It is a mysterious and personal process that is unique and different for every person.
This nebulous space has various other names, and the phrase that resonates with me personally is “The Fertile Void.” Exactly what is this Neutral Zone or Fertile Void anyway? Simply stated, it’s the unknown and mysterious space between The Ending and a New Beginning.
As we all see change happen, it’s almost always visible, external, and tangible. You might be experiencing a negative life-changing event like a serious illness, a grave automobile accident, or even the death of a loved one. On a more positive note, you may be getting a promotion or advancing to a completely new career. Still other examples might be getting married, having your first child, or moving to a new city.
In all of these examples, you can see this change happening in real time and it is both highly visible and tangible. However, once the change has occurred, there is a place between letting go of your previous life and adjusting to your new life which was, in fact, created by this change. This In-Between Space is invisible, internal, and intangible. The following true story illustrates this concept quite effectively.
Ben’s Neutral Zone Story
My friend Ben lived in Connecticut for many years with a successful career. He and his wife had bought a home in Florida years earlier, planning to move there when she retired. When they made that move in 2007, Ben wasn’t worried about his business because he could continue to work on his Connecticut business by phone like he always had. He was convinced that he could continue to meet the needs of his existing clients while he built a new client base in Florida.
However, as he experienced the downturn in the economy in 2008, Ben began to struggle professionally and personally. His business was not growing as he expected and his previous Connecticut clients were disappearing. The economic problems caused him to feel lost and unmotivated. It was not only the downturn in the economy but also the business culture in a new city that challenged him.
Personally, he began to let go of his physical fitness plan and became depressed and withdrawn. While he didn’t understand everything that was going on, it was clear, after the fact, that he had entered the Neutral Zone of his transition. This transition was complicated by economic conditions beyond his control. He had entered this In-Between Space almost a year before we caught up with each other at a professional meeting.
After explaining the challenges that he faced by moving to Florida, he told me how he turned everything around. He said it all happened somewhat casually while he was doing a simple chore at his house. A storm had placed a lot of debris in the gutters and they needed to be cleaned out. However, because he was so out of shape, he didn’t feel comfortable getting up on the ladder. He and his wife agreed that he would hold the ladder while she went up to remove the debris.
He told me that while he was standing there holding the ladder and watching his wife do the work, he had an epiphany. With great clarity, he saw that his fear of climbing the ladder to clean out the gutters himself was a metaphor for his current life and work situation. As that metaphor began to sink in, he quickly realized he needed to take back control of his life.
After his wife climbed down from the ladder, he went into the house and called a friend he had met after moving to Florida. The very next day, he and his buddy began a biking routine, helping Ben get his body, energy, and motivation back.
Ben told me that he began to explore what motivated him when he lived in Connecticut and what could possibly motivate him in his current situation. He decided he needed to make some serious changes. He began by joining an organization of other consultants he networked with. He also renewed his marketing strategies with Lunch and Learn meetings. Finally he decided that he needed to learn more about this new city’s business culture in order to become a part of it and move forward. He also began to identify the people that could help him through this challenge. As he did his research and answered these questions, he began to focus on the future.
In our discussions about this, Ben said he now realized that he had been in this Neutral Zone since the first several months after his arrival in Florida. However, with his new attitude, support, and resources, he finally felt ready to move on because he had a clearer vision for his future. He told me his business is now thriving and he is in a stronger place than before the downturn in the economy.
The Fertile Void
If an egg is broken by outside force, life ends.
If broken by inside force, life begins.
Great things always begin from inside.”
—Jim Kwik
While you’re in this In-Between Space, it’s important to give yourself time to reflect on where you’ve been and where you want to go. It’s a time of anxiety, ambiguity, and confusion coupled with reflection, exploration, creativity, and building relationships. Even though it may feel like a VOID, it is FERTILE with many possibilities if you just give yourself enough time.
Ben eventually made good use of his time in the Neutral Zone, but what took him so long? That is the real mystery of how the Neutral Zone works. For two people in identical situations, the results can be dramatically different. One person might spend a relatively short time in the space while another person can seem to languish and get lost. There is no right amount of time for us to spend in this space between The Ending and a New Beginning. You can’t rush through it because it has its own timing.
Sometimes it’s easy to lose patience with a friend or relative going through a difficult time because they seem to be so stuck. It might be tempting to say “you just need to get a grip, get over this, and move on.” However, we are all so different. Some of us bounce back from adversity quickly while others might take much longer. Eventually, like Ben, most of us will have our own epiphany or discover a metaphor that gives us the necessary insight to move forward to our new life.
How are you going to navigate the Neutral Zone when you go through a serious change and need to be creative about moving through it? This is where the core of the transition process lies. Glossing over it, circumventing it, or traveling at the speed of lightning through it will only arrest the process and leave you feeling incomplete and reticent about moving forward. Have the courage to embrace the uncertainty and confusion of a serious loss in your life. If you do this with patience and determination, the process will lead you to renewed clarity and energy even stronger than before.
What Will You Experience When You Are In The Neutral Zone?
Expect to experience the following:
- Your own creativity
- Reflecting on the past
- Learning about yourself
- Identifying strengths
- Self-care
- Gathering information
- Building supportive relationships
- Finding your purpose
- Assessing your skills
Use the Neutral Zone wisely. Trust that it will successfully enhance your best New Beginning, making it better than you ever thought possible. Enjoy whatever transition life and work changes bring your way and allow yourself to grow with the experience.
Dee Cascio
Author, speaker, Licensed Psychotherapist, Certified Life Coach, Retirement Lifestyle/ReCareer Coach, and Life and Work Transitions Strategies Coach.
As you face changes and transition in life and work, I welcome the opportunity to assist you either on a one-on-one basis or in a group coaching setting in order to meet your needs. Please contact me.
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