Transitions: Flip The Switch On Negative Thinking
So often in life we avoid change because it takes us out of our comfort zone. We dread the negative feelings and discomfort that we expect to come with change and transition. However, what is missing in our thought process is the possibility of the positives that could be much more beneficial than the negative consequences. You might call it delayed gratification.
In my work with clients, they are often dealing with the strong negative emotions they feel as a result of a change, either one they initiated or one that was thrust upon them. It might be a promotion they worked towards and received, and now they’re experiencing growing pains in their adjustment to their new position.
It might be how they are handling retirement. They planned for their retirement financially but just can’t let go of their work because they don’t have any idea as to how they’ll fill their time. They’d rather risk dying at their desk by postponing their retirement than deal with the emotional adjustment that retirement brings.
There are those in unhappy marriages. Even after couple’s therapy, they are still miserable. The stuckness from their situation is worse, really, than the situation itself but the guilt, sadness, fear, and repercussions of separation and divorce keep them immobilized. Many stay stuck in the fear of not trusting that they will be able to make the desired transition.
As you can see from these three examples, the negative emotions experienced while staying stuck are worse than taking that leap of faith and achieving the positive benefits of letting go and trusting themselves to move forward.
For those struggling with separating, letting go with love and respect may be the best approach. In this kind of situation, each spouse may have the time and space to know themselves better before they make a commitment to divorce. Sometimes couples separate and, through their own personal work, find their way back to each other. However, it takes changing the dynamic for that to happen.
How can you flip the switch and go from negative expectations to positive possibilities? You can do so by the planning what you’ll put into any change you make. This flipping of the switch has so much to do with your personality and how you view the world.
Martin Seligman, the father of positive psychology, wrote a book entitled Flourish in 2011. In his book, he writes about some research findings indicating that one’s personality predisposes some of us to being unable to rid ourselves of the negative emotions of anxiety, anger, and sadness.
Treatment, including therapy and medication, will help temporarily. However, ongoing success with this inheritable predisposition to negativity is dependent on your ability to manage your negative emotions without ignoring them. In addition, you must have an arsenal of positive and empowering emotions, life meaning, and purpose along with positive relationships to ground you and help you through life’s challenges. It is a matter of nurturing a fortified mindset that no matter what is changing in your life, your positive emotional mindset will outpace your negative emotions.
I readily admit that I was burdened by negative emotions for the first half of my adult life. Things have happened in my history to create that dynamic. Anxiety and depression also run in our family. It is part of our DNA. However, thanks to my own personal work over the years, I’ve been able to minimize my negative mindset. This has allowed my positive emotions to emerge, even in the face of life’s challenges.
As a therapist and coach, I realized I couldn’t effectively help the clients I worked with if I didn’t change my own personal mindset. Ultimately, I wanted my clients to heal from past negative life experiences and become better able to take from our work together the strength to face whatever life brings their way. I remind them that it’s never going to be perfect and that is alright.
Imagine if you and your partner are both faced with career changes after years on the job. I would suggest you each write a pros/cons list of the positive and negative aspects of this possible change. The results of the exercise can provide clarity, optimism, and possibilities. It can also help you manage your fear, anger, and anxiety more effectively. By acknowledging the cons, you are free to move on and stop dwelling on them. You can take time to see and explore the positive aspects of the change.
A Positive Mindset For The Holidays
This concept of turning negatives into positives can be applied to your lives over the next several months as you enter the holiday season and at other times in your life. What are your emotions telling you? Will this just be a season to limp through by eating rich food and being with friends and relatives you don’t particularly like? Will you be practicing traditions you’ve never understood or bought into? Or will you be experiencing those friends and relatives as they are and managing your food choices more effectively? As for traditions, maybe you can take what you like and leave the rest! In any life-altering situation, this mindset can change your life and create a more positive vision for your future, even if it’s just a family and/or holiday event.
Tips To Help Flip The Mindset Switch
Let’s explore some ways you can develop a positive mindset to enhance your holiday experience as well as your personal and professional life as you enter the new decade of 2020.
- Know that negative emotions are real and to be respected without allowing them to take over your whole life. You can build an arsenal of positive emotions to move you through any change.
- Set goals for yourself for the holidays. What holiday functions would you like to attend, and which ones do you want to decline? You do have a choice.
- Set goals for 2020. Reflect on what worked well in your personal and professional life during the last decade and what needs to change for 2020.
- What inspires you to think more positively about the holidays and life in general? Is it a song, a poem, a book, a person, a gratitude list, an activity?
- Build a resilient mindset: work on positive expectations and positive relationships. Build your self-esteem, confidence, and find life meaning and purpose. That will be your fortification when you are facing life challenges and changes.
Whether you’re focused on the upcoming holidays or are planning the next phase of your life, think about the wonders of the unknown, the possibilities of accomplishment, and the opportunities for new relationships. Trust that you will thrive in your positive mindset. Enjoy your holidays and your next successful decade!
Dee
Dee Cascio
Author, speaker, Licensed Psychotherapist, Certified Life Coach, Retirement Lifestyle/ReCareer Coach, and Life and Work Transitions Strategies Coach.
As you face changes and transition in life and work, I welcome the opportunity to assist you through corporate presentations, group seminars, and community workshops. Please . contact me.
More help for your pros/cons list
Does the idea of a pros/cons list leave you staring at a blank piece of paper? Are you overwhelmed with so many cons you can’t think of any pros? Look for possibilities by exploring your core values, relationships, lifestyle, work, and the legacy you desire. Start with the Dig Deeper questions in Ready To Retire? Successful Retirement Planning To Make The Best Of The Rest Of Your Life. These questions are for anyone facing a life-altering change, not just those nearing retirement.
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The Life and Work Transitions Community
You’ve joined a great group — people who plan to make successful transitions in life and work. May you be inspired to use your strengths and skills to grow in this season and may each transition be your best ever.
Want more help for your life and work transitions?
Check out the Life and Work Transitions Strategies blog
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