Values — Your GPS Through All Life Stages

From the time we are young, we begin making small decisions with the support and guidance of parents. As we get older, these decisions become more significant. We tend to go through life sometimes unconsciously making little decisions that can make our life easier or more difficult, depending on how we make them. However, when it comes to more significant life-altering decisions, how do we find the tools to guide us in the right direction? This decision-making process is important not only in our personal lives but also in our professional lives.

If we carefully examine how we navigate our lives, the subject of values always comes up for me. I call it my GPS at all stages of life.

Let’s define what values are. “Your values are the things that you believe are important in the way you live and work. They determine your priorities, and, deep down, they’re probably the measures you use to determine if your life is turning out the way you want it to or not.” (Sarah Jane Susac) Is your life on track or careening off course? Are the decisions that you are making aligned with your core values?

This decision-making model allows you to repeatedly make good and consistent choices instead of

Going along with what everyone else does
Seeking instant gratification or a convenient way out of a difficult situation
Pursuing material pleasures rather than what you value most
Avoiding more pain and grief

Where Do Your Values Come From?

Family — We usually learn values from our parents or the caretakers who were instrumental in our growing-up years. They model values that we then internalize without even realizing it. They provide a blueprint for what is important in life. However, as you gain more maturity, you may begin to adjust those values from your life experience to what is most important to you. You may have seen your parents work long hours, interfering with family time. Experiencing the effects of this behavior, you may decide that is not the lifestyle that you want and perhaps you create a better work-life balance. Perhaps your parents valued more material things, causing financial hardship for your family, so you change that by adjusting the importance of materialism in your life. If your parents valued Sundays as family day, that might become your family day as an adult when you have your own family.

Media — This is a huge influence on what we value, especially when it comes to material things like electronic devices and designer clothing and to views on politics and religion. And so much of the media targets young people who are just forming their own individual value set. As adults, we can be role models for setting the kinds of values that the next generation should consider as they form their own values.

Your faith — Many families practice a faith or spiritual direction and you probably learned additional values from that experience. It is modeled in your faith and by other church members and becomes a part of the values that may guide you throughout your life.

Education — You were exposed to another set of values at school, presented by teachers, peers, other children’s parents, and adults in general. As a result of the educational process, you were exposed to learning, creativity, tolerance for other people’s differences as well as the art of compromising. The reality is that we see a variety of values in all of society. As we grow and mature, we choose those values that we feel most drawn to.

We all have values and many of us share common values that effect how we live our lives. As we transition into our retirement, it is not unusual to begin to explore the questions “What is really important to me?” and “How can I become more conscious of living a values-based life, making sure that my behaviors are in alignment with my core values?”

Value Assessment Experiences

With any transition in life, what we thought was important and valued will change and evolve. In my mid-fifties, I was faced with an important question. The question was, “What is really important to me at this stage of my life?” This question took precedence in my life when several family members were faced with life-threatening illnesses. Suddenly my work, which previously was very important to me, shifted in the hierarchy of my personal values.

My work ended up taking a secondary place to my family’s needs. Suddenly, I was rearranging my work schedule to accommodate family situations when, for many years, it was the other way around. Those life-altering events also helped me to realize how finite life is and my perspective on planning for my own retirement changed as well. I realized that I couldn’t necessarily count on all the years I thought I might have to do the many things I wanted to do with my loved ones. This was especially true regarding my husband, who is seven years older than me. He had invited me several times to begin our retirement planning conversation, but I wasn’t ready to have those discussions. As external events I couldn’t control shifted the priority of my values, I was better able to hear my husband’s needs and together we began the planning process for our own retirement.

While doing my coach training at Coach University, one of the courses required us to do a Values Inventory Exercise. As I reflected on this assignment, I remember being impressed with the fact that this concept was explored, inventoried, and then discussed among our training group. For the first time in my educational experience, I looked carefully at this list and quickly identified those values I was currently living by. This exercise is something that many of us do unconsciously, but the process brought it to a whole different level of consciousness for me.

To summarize:

Are your life goals, planning behaviors, ideas, and projects in alignment with your core values?
Are you feeling a lack of alignment with your values? This shows up when you don’t have the energy that it takes to reach your goals, complete a project, or stay with an idea.
Are you headed down the wrong path? If you are not in alignment with your values, you may be headed in a direction that will lead to a less satisfying transition if that hasn’t happened already.

Incorporate Values-Based Decision Making Into Life’s Decisions

Here’s how you can incorporate values-based decision-making into life’s transitions. During transition periods, I help my clients first identify their core values related to the specific transition they are experiencing and rank them in order of importance. When faced with decisions, it is then easy to look at the list of values and ask, “Does this decision support what I value most?”

There are many more core values you might want to include but this list will get you started. Here are some examples of how your core values come into play.

If being close to family and friends is at the top of your list of values as you consider a job offer or get ready to retire, family/friends/relationships is a core value for you. Moving far away—or far enough away that getting together would be a hardship—would undermine this family-centric value.
You enjoy the outdoors and move to a climate not conducive to outside, year-round activity because it is less expensive. Will you be happy with your choice?
If you are now a single parent due to death or divorce and your top priority is your children’s emotional health, will you give them the time and attention they need—especially during the first year or two? Conversely, if you value adult companionship more, then dating and remarriage will take precedence. These are value decisions only you can make as you begin life as a single parent (although the ages of your children may play a significant part in how you perceive their needs).
As you plan for retirement, values-based decision-making will help you make the best choices among the many options like staying in place, moving to another city or state, or buying a second home. You need to consider amenities, availability of health care and other services, climate, geo-physical location, leisure pursuits, and social opportunities, and more.

Take the time to explore your core values and make sure the life you’re living reflects those values. By acting consciously, you can be sure that living by your values in later years will guide you to your life’s true meaning and purpose.

Take my “Identify Your Personal Values” assessment and begin to prioritize your core values so you can live by them. You can also find this exercise online at “Core values: define and align them.”

Dee

Identify Your Personal Values Exercise to print

As you face the challenges due to COVID-19 as well as changes and transitions in life and work, I welcome the opportunity to assist you. I am available for virtual consultations and virtual presentations at this time instead of corporate and group seminars and community workshops. Please contact me.

Dee Cascio
Author, speaker, Licensed Psychotherapist, Certified Life Coach, Retirement Lifestyle/ReCareer Coach, and Life and Work Transitions Strategies Coach.

The Life and Work Transitions Community

You’ve joined a great group — people who plan to make successful transitions in life and work. May you be inspired to use your strengths and skills to grow in this season and may each transition be your best ever.

Do you know what you value?

These books will help you identify what matters most as you plan your next life transition.

Where Will You Retire?: A Retirement Guide And Exercises For Deciding Where To Retire, Buy A Second Home, Or Relocate

Ready To Retire? Successful Retirement Planning To Make The Best Of The Rest Of Your Life

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