Valuing Your Relationships Through Change And Transition
Valentine’s Day tends to dominate the month of February and rightfully so. Without this reminder to acknowledge those relationships that are important in your life, you may not take the time to notice them.
There are relationships with spouses and partners, relatives, colleagues, and friends, just to name the more significant ones. One of the commonalities of these relationships is they are subject to change with or without notice. Sometimes these changes are overt and obvious. At other times, they are so subtle they may seem sudden when you finally notice them. However, after a closer look, you might realize that change has been gradually happening over time, taking on a life of its own.
Change can be both positive and negative. And even a negative change can result in a positive outcome, although at the time it might not seem that way.
Some changes look negative on the surface, but you’ll soon realize that space is being created in your life for something new to emerge.”
—Eckhart Tolle
That “space” is the time between the event and the outcome where the unavoidable transition takes place. The change is the event, and the transition is the emotional adjustment process. This distinction between change and transition also holds true for changes in relationships. Once you notice a change in one of your relationships, you can rest assured that it will be followed by a relational transition or an emotional adjustment.
Intimate Relationships
Whether you are dating, married, or living together, you have chosen a person who has the qualities, characteristics, and values you’re attracted to. Over time, as real-life shows up in your relationship, you might begin to experience differences in the way you think and feel about certain issues and events. This is to be expected because as much alike as you think you are, we are all very different. This new awareness will create an opening to understanding your partner’s way of thinking and feeling about various life situations you have encountered. The transition in your relationship will be adjusting to the reality that you are people with different thoughts and feelings. Try not to be put off by this realization. Embrace it. You have knocked on the door of the potential to create more depth in your relationship. Experiencing these changes can deepen your love for each other over time.
With each change in any intimate relationship, there is a letting go of the previous version of your partner and a re-imaging of him or her in a new and positive way. My husband reminds me of the ways I’ve changed over our 36 years of being together-married for 30 years. He has adjusted to these changes and accepted them, and I have done the same for him. For some couples, the changes are intolerable, and they can’t make the relational transition in a healthy way.
If you have children, you already know that your relationships with them are undergoing constant change as they grow up. But each change offers the potential for additional growth in your bond with them.
Work Relationships
In work situations, you’ll develop friendships, especially if you are on a team project where you’re working together on a regular basis. You’ll share professional information, work expertise and, in some cases, personal information. This constant and consistent interaction builds trust with your teammates.
When the team, project, or manager ends, there will be a transition from the way things used to be. There will be a new organization of staff, protocol, managers, and accountability. Regardless of how great the interaction was with your colleagues, you’ll need to let go of the old version of your work environment and adjust to a new work situation. Your ability to adjust will be affected by how the leaders in your organization value those relationships within the work environment. Consistent open and honest communication about the changes taking place, why they are taking place, and over what time are critical to a successful organizational transition. Relationships matter.
To paraphrase John Donne, “No man or women is an island.” We all need each other. We deserve the respect, patience, and acceptance of who we are in any relationship, as long as no one is being injured by another’s behavior.
Maintaining Healthy Personal And Professional Relationships
Here are some ways to maintain healthy relationships in transition at home and at work.
- Feel good about yourself and confident in who you are and what you do. This is critical to respecting others and those qualities in them.
- Be a good listener in all your relationships. Listening shows interest and respect for the other person’s way of thinking, even if you don’t agree.
- Allow for changes in relationships as you each grow professionally and personally. Positive changes create transitions and enhance relationships.
- Ask for what you need in a relationship whether at home or at work. You can ask, even though you may not always get that need met. At least those close to you will know how you feel.
- Be patient with the emotional adjustments that occur when one person in the relationship changes.
Nothing ever stays the same. Change is a part of our human condition. Circumstances change which causes relationships to change. If you can manage the transition that comes with change, you’ll feel more confident and resilient as you face future changes in your life and work.
Dee
Dee Cascio
Author, speaker, Licensed Psychotherapist, Certified Life Coach, Retirement Lifestyle/ReCareer Coach, and Life and Work Transitions Strategies Coach.
As you face changes and transition in life and work, I welcome the opportunity to assist you through corporate presentations, group seminars, and community workshops. Please contact me.
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