Role reversal with aging parents can be challenging to navigate. You, as the caregiver, want what is best for them. However, many of our parents cling to their independence, and understandably so. I remember when my dad, who at the time was in his late 80s, had several fender benders and we were worried that he would hurt someone else or himself. To handle this, we asked my dad to take a driving test and 2 days before he was scheduled to take the test, he voluntarily turned his license into the DMV. Everyone at the DMV clapped for him. This worked because he was able to make this “his decision.”
Several years later, when my dad’s living situation became too much for my single brother to handle, my dad came to live with my husband and me in Virginia. You need to be prepared to care for elderly parents because caring for aging parents isn’t easy. During the year that he lived with us, he was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease. My husband and I were fortunate to receive much support from my siblings, but I also became very resourceful at finding private and county services to help us.
After multiple trips to numerous residences, we were able to find an Assisted Living facility for my dad that provided the appropriate supervision, structure, and activity level to meet his needs. He lived there for six years before he died. We saw him several times a week for outings which he loved and took him on vacations. This situation worked out well for us, but it may not work for everyone.
What is your plan? Role reversal with aging parents is not easy. You need to acknowledge your parent’s desire for independence and yet create safe physical boundaries for them. At the same time, you will need emotional boundaries for yourself and your other family relationships. You may also need to have difficult discussions about what you can actually afford.
It may help to look at role reversal with aging parents as a short season of your life. Make memories. Help them pass on their legacy. Live with gratitude for the time you have together.