Do you realize there may be a problem with retiring at a different time than your partner? I had assumed I would retire when I chose and my spouse would do the same.
I’ll never forget the day my husband and I had our first brush with the “when to retire?” conversation. He was turning sixty and I was fifty-three. I was so excited and into my career as a therapist that the thought of the “R” word hadn’t even crossed my mind. Yet Tom was at the stage of his life where he wanted to at least begin the conversation. The problem with retiring at a different time quickly became apparent: I wasn’t a willing participant. He was frustrated and I was insensitive and, for the most part, unaware. It helps to take a look at your attitude toward retirement.
Over the next several years, several of life’s circumstances and family illnesses made me realize how fragile life can be. These changes modified my unrealistic attitude about life’s third act. I came to understand the importance of planning for this significant transition and not waiting too long to have these conversations. This journey ultimately led me to my encore career—Life and Work Transitions Coaching coupled with my therapy practice. Having helped my therapy clients make so many life transitions over many years as a therapist, this was a nice compliment to my therapy practice.
For years, I’ve talked to a number of couples, listened to friends and family, and read numerous stories and books about how challenging the decision regarding when to retire can be for a couple with different needs and desires. There didn’t seem to be any answers, except that every one of us is different and talking about it is the best place to start. Turn the problem of retiring at a different time than your partner into opportunities for discussion, exploration, and growth.