Transitions are slow, emotional adjustments after change. A transition is also internal, invisible, and intangible. You will need to re-examine your roles, your values, and your self-understanding, as explained in “Elements of life transitions,” before you can let go and create space for something new.
Give yourself time to work through these transitions. Here are some ways you can honor that slower pace:
Be patient
The skill of patience takes practice, which is hard to come by in a culture which demands instant gratification. No one likes having to wait! We also have little tolerance for discomfort, which has contributed to the current opioid addiction crisis.
Patience is necessary to move through every transition. There is no rushing this process—I know because I’ve tried and it doesn’t work. Some changes will take longer that others to adjust to but it will eventually happen.
Avoid indecision
“Indecision steals many years from many people who
wind up wishing they’d just had the courage to leap.”
Doe Zantamada
Change requires decision-making. Transitions allow you to sift through what is new or different and decide which of your current options are best for you and those you love (and possibly others affected by the same change). Avoiding decision-making gives the illusion of speeding up the transition process, but it can cause complications and heartache later.
Act with confidence
Appreciate your own abilities or qualities—or, at the very least, “fake it until you make it.” With practice, you can learn to trust yourself when faced with challenges and changes. Never doubt yourself and don’t let anyone else do it for you. You can move through transitions with self-assuredness when you trust yourself.
Draw on your resiliency skills
We all have the ability to adjust to or recover from change. This is the very definition of resilience. Bonnie Bernard, M.S.W. in her article, The Foundations of the Resiliency Framework, refers to several longitudinal research studies indicating that even children born into high-risk and dysfunctional families have the capacity to lead successful lives with the support of families, schools, and communities.
You have already navigated many changes in your life. Recall what resources, strengths, friends and family, optimistic attitude, or creative problem-solving helped you through those transitions. Which of these strengths and resources can you draw on in your current transition?
A close family friend told me he knew he would have to make sacrifices to survive the aftermath of growing up with alcoholic parents. Education was his way out, along with the strong survival bond that he developed with his siblings. He became very resourceful about finding ways to be away from home and to make his own money. He spent time at the library reading and educating himself before he went to college. When he became a parent, he took parenting classes to make sure he didn’t make the mistakes his parents had made with him. From this adversity, he learned compassion and forgiveness.
Be patient. Avoid indecision. Act with confidence. Draw on your resiliency skills. All of these will help you navigate the slow transition after a sudden life-altering change. Trust yourself—you will get through it.