Death is seldom discussed so why talk about death before a loved one dies? Death is a natural part of life. When we acknowledge this, we can start to face our fears and prepare for this life transition just as we have worked and prepared for other life transitions.
We need to talk about death to make it feel less threatening. Except for stories of near-death experiences and traditions handed down by our faith, death is the great unknown. Yet all cultures, faiths, and even family traditions have something to say about how we handle death. They influence our attitudes, our expectations, and our thoughts about death and dying.
Mark Twain wrote “The fear of death fools from the fear of life. A man who lives fully is prepared to die at any time.” Whether you agree with him or not, you can probably admit that talk about death makes you both curious and uneasy. That’s human nature, both when we face our own demise and when we grieve the death of a loved one. Few people do well with unpredictable life events and this end-of-life transition is a big unknown.
I have had my own difficulties talking about death with those I love. My fears, ideas, questions, and thoughts often get in the way. How can death be a fitting end to an exciting, fulfilling, fun, gratifying life? Will I be ready myself? Will I ever be ready to lose someone I love deeply?
Don’t wait to talk about death with those you love. I speak from experience. My mother was diagnosed with cancer in 1968, at the age of 51. Our entire family went into denial, unable to talk with her about her prognosis or her end-of-life wishes. When she died after a long battle with this horrible disease, we had no funeral plans in place. I regretted not telling her how much she would be missed.
You will regret the things you cannot undo. Talk about death as a natural life transition. Discuss end-of-life wishes. Get legal documents in order (see “Legal documents and getting all your ducks in a row” for more information). Plan a life celebration or a funeral that lets others know “this was a life well lived.”